bad luck

this is a story of a girl who always has bad luck. my korkor has been winning in blackjack all the way til i sat beside him where he lost twice in the row for the first time. then when i left him, he started winning again. hahahaha. maybe i absorb all their bad luck so that he can keep winning :p after he won 100+$ eh. hahaha. that's all i can remember for now. BYEEEEE :D

today was a super good day :D

one gets numb because he/she has been hurt by someone/something too much that the system stops to care. i don't remember some things anymore. they get out of my head very fast. and i mean it's at the back of my head, but it doesn't play on my mind anymore.



hahahaha this is my life storyyyy. because i'm so hard to be with, selfish, possessive, annoying and so many others.

Matthew 5:46-48
If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

i'm gonna love everyone already, i don't care if they don't care about me or what. I'M GONNA LOVE THE WORLDDDD. hahahahaha.

numb.

i found out many things today. all i can say is thank you for being there for me always, i don't know how we're gonna be in future, but yeah thank you. because all i can assume for now, is i'm the bounceback like i expected myself to be. and i'm going to be fine with that because i have to be. and i know, we're gonna drift. i feel it. unless you make it alright. and on my part, pretend i don't know anything so i won't give you cold shoulders.

and also, i'm kinda glad for my sensitivity that i can feel you uncaring for me so i let go of caring for you too.

and i want to thank noritateonulita HAHA. NU LI TA HAHAHA. sorry norita teo hehe. thank you for always trying to cheer me up and for coming down to my area to find meeee :D hehe. not exactly for me lah but for your bells i think hahahaha. but terima kasihhh HEHE.

2.

i'm the kind that treats good friends more important than boyfriends and if i were ever to lose anyone, it would always be the same. they leave me, i do nothing about it but just keep memories of them in my head, think of them before i sleep, and miss them some day along the way. because i never really have the guts to text them that i miss them or those times or whatever. i just assume if they left me means they don't want to stick with me anymore and so, my heart will ofcourse ache, but all i can do is be okay(or pretend it's okay).

maybe i should do something like having the guts to tell them what i feel, but i guess it's just me. i don't like having to bother people who don't want to stick with me. like if they leave me, i should get the hint already and leave them alone. and i certainly won't force anyone to stick with me if they don't want to.

what if your blessings come through rain drops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

today while doing my project, classmates asked "did anyone ever call you ugly?", "yeah.", "as in not joking one leh.", "yeah.", "who?" and at that moment i rmb people calling me ugly but i don't rmb who except myself so i said "myself." and i just realised how pathetic i sound. and i think of my not so high self esteem, people tend to think i am an attention seeking whore but i'm honestly not. cos i honestly sometimes can't bring myself to look at myself in the mirror. i just feel... unpretty.

and i never liked people disturbing me with good friends because i'm so afraid that friendships will be affected, like to avoid stuffs, i will drift further from my good friends and that of course will affect my friendship with the other. sigh i feel, heavy hearted :(