difficult

"go fix yourself" is different from "i will fix you". both has the same meaning, you need to fixed. it's just, "go fix yourself" means you have a problem and you need to fix yourself. it's harsh and worse than that, it's like i don't want to handle your shit, get your shit together before you talk to me/be with me. and when someone you love just says that to you, you feel broken inside, like the person who mattered most won't even go through this process of fixing with you, like they don't want a problematic you. while "i will fix you" means i accept you as who you are but it'll be better if you fix yourself and don't worry, you have me, and you won't go through this alone.

and i've got the answer from who mattered most, that i have to go through this alone, this process of fixing myself alone. but i'm not tough and i can't fix myself on my own. it'll be like 'i'll be strong' and the next morning, you're the weak you again. i've tried. and if people were that tough, there wouldn't be suicides, there wouldn't be self-harms. they just needed someone to be there for them, to fix them together but no. they were alone, they couldn't take it. they're weak. so they did it.

and if i didn't appreciate things, i wouldn't have fought so hard for that one to stay, even if it meant doing something i've never done before such as fighting so damn fucking hard. but no, my action is not appreciation. i'm gonna give up. 

maybe it's time to let go of the memories

it kinda hurts when you miss people that don't miss you. they're out again together but i guess i won't say anything. i'll miss the memories. i won't miss hanging out with them anymore. this way i won't get affected. :'( i'm sorry for being sad. maybe i shall keep telling myself they don't matter anymore cause i don't matter to them anymore. maybe then i'll believe the words i say. thanks guys for everything anyway. </3

seems like i always want to be with the wrong group of friends, friends who don't want to be with me or don't like me or something like that. i'll be fine alone, or at least try to be. yeah, because i'm the problem. and i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm sorry.

MY LOVE

hehehehe i think we so cute eh ahaha. i bought az the roll-up sleeve shirt and for me also then we can couple couple hehehe. it's abit hard to ask him to take pictures tgt because he is a laaaaaaazy boy heh. anyway i appreciate him alot for being there for me and trying to send me home whenever he can hehehe. <3

tingy tongy

hehehe this boy is the best. yesterday he just brought from home his mum's cooking and it's seeeeDAPPP ahahaha i love him la. just look at his eyebrows, one up one down i also dk how to do that ahahaha. kkbyeeeeeeeee :D

my heart won't let you go

i got to sleep with this little baby yesterday and he was a little monster at times, chewing on everything especially waking me up by chewing on my hair ahahaha. but it was only twice so i had to give it some milk bottled milk. but it was rather nice sleeping with something warm, something living. i remember it once banged into my arm or shoulder then fall asleep just like that. hehe. then another time it just slept on top of my head, then ended up at my neck. it was cute hehe.

look at his tiny eyes hehe. he was 30+ days years old only hehehe. but it had this eyes i could stare into like it was the most precious thing i've seen. and sometimes when i stared at it, he would run into me and try to bite my nose ahahahaha. he literally bites everything hehe so sometimes i just hide under my blanket then he would go find something else to bite ahaha.

and this was my bed last last night hehe, look at the tiny baby. and the jacket beside it, i never want to return it to its owner. because everytime i miss him, i can just smell it :")

it scared me when it said good morning ytd morning!!! yeah, lol it was a talking dog. cool right!! hehe. JUST KEEDING OMG AHAHAHA. but yeah this was in the morning. doesn't it look so cute it could brighten your day? i guess these are the things you call sunshine.

and lastly ending with my face and the little baby hehehehe. are you proud of me because i have absolutely used no filter at all which means actually my camera not that bad hor, just look at the sunshine baby, sleeping baby, isn't it of high high quality?! woohooooooo.

ps; i miss you so much :((((