10 April 2014 // Thursday

i bought makeup todayy hehe first time i bought concealer, eyelash curler, eyebrow pencil, loose powder and mascara and actually spent $70 on all these!!!! HAHA 

soooo this is all my collection of makeup, lipcare and stuffs haha

SEEEEEE i pack so nicely right hehehe maybe if i bored enough, i'll decorate it :))

AND SOOOOOOOOOO i decided to play with makeup and asked nick to help me take photos HAHA just a cool feeling to play with makeup uh but quite fail la this makeup cause i did it with a damn unclear small mirror SO sigh :( i'll go play again tmr hahahahaha

sorry

I never meant to hurt you in any way and i hate hurting you and i can feel when you're sad because my heart breaks a little when you say you're tired and it tears me apart 

Mummy probably gonna remind me to take this relationship with a pinch of salt again because she probably saw my eyes when i entered the door sigh

And i can't stop tearing i don't even know why but i'm so sorry i wish i can take all the hurt away from you cause i love you so so much :'(

When you didn't talk to me at all, or didn't even look at me, i felt like i lost you and i just felt so broken and hurt i don't ever wanna lose you sigh

i miss my friends; i miss knowing about their life, being a part of their life. we've come so far but we have also drifted really far apart and not being able to be ourselves when we're around each other.

and i keep flaring up over small things and i don't know why; i hate being angry. and it's always that he's with me all the time and so my anger bursts to him. what's worse is that i can't control my anger and so i'm sort of screwing this relationship up. i don't know what's wrong with me(as usual wtf) and i get so insecure so damn easily i hate myself so much for this and i just get paranoid and shit and I HATE IT and i'll just go all silent on him and act like there's nothing at all when actually I'M THINKING OF ALL THE GIRLS THAT ARE BETTER THAN ME AND HOW HE'D PICK THEM OVER ME

Snoozy saturday 💤

Aunties all carrying foldable umbrellas and i'm carrying an unfoldable umbrella and i'm feeling judged but it's okay i guess because i'm just going nick's house so we can cook together hehe yum yum

And i saw this obituaries page being trampled on at the bus stop so poor thing right imagine i die then people step on my face 😱 

I wanna be significant when i die, like i saved dunno how many lives and actually make a difference in the world. Ok la, not the world but maybe a difference in a country like singapore; maybe like i'll be the most hardworking nurse in singapore or something haha dreaming too big too soon

So we cooked one of our favourite food; mushroom soup heheh 🍲💕

The mushrooms were all smelling damn nice alr la hahah 

And tada our mushroom soups haha and i have no idea why they are of different colourssss

We had two batches of rosti!!! Hahahah greedy pigs but it tasted not bad la and it was our 2nd time cooking it alr hehe

My artsy photography hehe kidding

Anyway i wanna faster buy a sd card and bring my dslr out to take many nice pictures hehe

Hehe and i have probably two favourite moments today; sleeping in his arms haha and the second was playing monopoly with his family; it was so fun hehe ^^

Security

Recently, i've been thinking; is it wrong if i don't like kissing or that i'm just not very fond of kissing or that i don't feel anything when kissing?

I mean i do like it when he wants to kiss me. But i just feel that kissing doesn't give me security or actually make me feel loved. Hugs do. Like i will feel more loved when he says, "i miss your hug.", rather than "i miss kissing you.", kind of thing. 

And i don't want a very intimate relationship, like we have to kiss every time we meet; but i want a really cute relationship where we only crave for each other's smell and each other's hugs and just send random texts checking up on each other and just doing stupid stuffs together. I don't want to kiss and feel all sensual(or whatever the word is) because that isn't love to me. And kissing does not assure me in any way. 

That doesn't i don't love him. I love him to bits, i love his face, his stupid wangwang eyes, his smells, the way he smiles, the way he laughs. I love everything about him and there's really nothing i would want to change about him. Even if he pisses me off with his attitude, i'll learn to love that part of him because it's still him and love is all about accepting each other and not changing him/her into someone we want them to be.

And there's always this thing that girls worry about: other girls. 

I love you so much, i wanna cuddle you to sleep, hug and smell you all day and i never want to let you go. :") 

Hehe and ofcause must end off with my cute little babies *i still can't forget about the baby who just died and didn't move the moment he came out* huge sigh :"(