andrea.

Sometimes I hate to be a complicated girl. I don't even know if my thoughts even have anything to do with being complicated. Having a food stain on my shirt, and you cleaning it up. I am cleaner. But I feel like shit because I feel pampered and I hate people seeing I have to clean up a mess. So does being cleaner and comfier beat me feeling like shit? You want to accompany me. I get your company. But I feel like shit because you're always sitting around doing nothing just because you have to accompany me. Does your accompaniment beat me feeling like shit?

Maybe you thought some things would make me happy. Matter of fact is they don't, because I'm so different from you. Maybe I'm still used to doing work alone, studying alone, cleaning a mess in my own comfort alone. Maybe everything you think about doing for me is more important than what I actually feel. Maybe you don't bother to know what I feel anymore. I'm sorry.

I do like your company, but I don't need it all the time. I'm very very very independent and I love being alone. Not that I don't want you by my side, but I need to be alone sometimes, especially when I'm doing my work. Hahahahahahaha nvm this just created a moment of me hating myself again. Congratulations.

I'm going to have my TP test tomorrow and I sincerely hope I'll do fine.

You know what?

I've put in sooooo much for this relationship. You don't know how many times I felt like giving up because I felt too controlled, too restricted. But I told myself to hold on to you because you might be the one for me. Maybe you don't realize how easy it is for me to give up. Because trust me, I give up too easily for everything that's why all my relationships didn't work out. I'm trying so hard, please try not to make me someone I don't want to be because it will only push me further and make it harder to hold on. You'll never acknowledge how much I've put in for this relationship.