fucking hurt, for caring too much. shouldn't have taken friends too seriously. fuck.

why do i shed tears for those who treat me like i'm inexistent, like i'm invisible. i mean nothing and that hurts like fuck la. why the heck i care so much for those who probably can't give a fuck about me. stupid andrea is forever bloodyhell stupid. hate hate hate. why do i have to pretend i don't care, like i don't mind, like it doesn't hurt. fuck man.

and it just totally hurts when i see my friends fighting/cold war/dislike each other. but since i'm nothing to them, i really shouldn't give a fuck..... i'm on the verge of just bursting. i'm about to reach my limit. i'm afraid to just breakdown anytime cos it just hurt that much. to be nothing to people you care. getting left out. not cool at all. and don't question me why i push people away, it's because of experiences like this...

one less friend, one less care. moral of the story: be alone.

they all think it's okay to insult, hurt me because they think i don't care. they think i don't have feelings just because i don't want to show that i care, to show that i'm actually hurting.

i just thought friends were friends and they weren't close enough to hurt me but today... something went wrong, maybe it's my pms but, it wasn't right. i felt so useless when a and b were angry at c and i was there, not supposed to forgive c even thou i don't blame c in the first place. and when they were angry, i couldn't do anything and all i could do was watch and feel my heart ache. i don't know what to do. i don't want to lose either of them. then c didn't want to apologise anymore because c was over apologizing. then those tears blurred my vision. then yeah, my vision was clearer because i knew they were all important to me, more important then i thought them to be. :'(

today is a bad day, really. even tonight's drama had a sad ending. and it's the rainy season. yeah now it all makes sense. november probably is the month where the rain seeps through our head and makes us think and think and make us as gloomy as it.

BUT IT'S OKAY. ANDREA THE STAR WILL SHINE THROUGH THE GLOOMINESS AND EVERYONE SHALL SEE THE LIGHT HEHE.

i remember in pri sch, i always wanted to be a nurse, so i can help people and make them smile. then in sec sch, i wanted to be a psychiatrist cos it was so cool, knowing who's lying by their body behaviour. hahaha. so i think when i go uni, i'm gonna be a nurse! :p even though i will waste a year in uni but i'm kinda determined to follow my young dream to save people's lives and yeah, i want to be able to be there for the patients and talk to them and make them happy and also not feel alone :D hehe.



i think down the road, i'm gonna fall in love with the way people fight for their lives, the way people care for their loved ones. i'm gonna fall in love with the little things. i'm gonna fall in love with the way their eyes meet. and then my life shall be a meaningful one (:

today i got insulted again, of being called act cute for the xxxth time and gr. i'm pmsing la! super sensitive la :( so i tried listening to music, and was happy then suddenly i listen to a sad song and one memory popped up in my head and a few seconds later, i teared and i was shocked at myself. so ofcos i had to go out and make myself presentable and not let anyone realise i was tearing. ahahaa. retardedrea. and the memory was when i rmbed my pokemaster 'lecture' my friend when she hurt me when my pokemaster was supposed to be her bro which means he shld care for her more. but i really wasn't aware that he did that til my friend told me why they/she was avoiding me and stuffs. and i was thinking, i miss those days. that's why i started tearing and i think azri saw my face :( but after that, i forgot what happened(i think) so i happy alr ^^ :D

but i must thank God that today was a good day overall (:

my little sunshine

today i just felt sooooo used. but i was happy after that because i din't think about it anymore and yes i said the f word not for fun but because i really meant it and it was all built up. like i felt like an object, always used, insulted like i have no feelings. it's really not nice being used AT ALL. but i guess that's life. and i still have to take life even less seriously.

and there was a moment where i guess it was fated to brighten up my whole day, where our eyes met and i think i became crazy after that where i was so super nonsensical and adhd and stuffs. hahaha. but actually i think i was hyper cos like rainbow after the storm ah ^^ hehehe.

and yeah, there's this little andrea in who wants to hug this boy not because i like him but because i feel that he's so super sincere idk why. but this is the first time i want to hug someone which is pretty rare which means he must be really sincere. and so, i came up with this little theory where sincerity is the first step to get to someone's heart ^^

hm and yeah! today some peeps saw my polaroid i took of myself for identification and i felt so damn insecure and ugly and shitty. the more they look, the more self-conscious i get. and so, i just threw away my face in the bin. now i feel a whole lot better. :") it's like my insecurity went into the bin. and sometimes i can't stand looking at myself in the mirror, wishing i could be a more beautiful person with a beautiful face but i'm still holding on to the big fat hope that one day my little prince would make me feel as beautiful and accept me for who i am, making my life a whole lot more colourful. and ofcause i also hope that he will see me as the only beautiful one even thou i may not be the prettiest face, cutest, funniest girl around.

CAN YOU BE MINE ALREADY.
i get so upset thinking about you because almost everyone has told me it's impossible. but you, just keeping talking to me, being sweet to me, i can't even stop myself from falling deeper you know?

The most painful thing to see is when tears roll down someone’s face and they’re completely silent.

today is just one of the days that i don't feel good about myself. let's start from the beginning, i wore contacts to school and someone asked 'you cut your hair ah, you look different.' then i feel like shit, like is it cos i look really bad and yeah some people agreed that i look bad cos of my eyebags. and ofcos i feel like very low self esteem. and some had to agree that i look shag and had no nice comments at alllllllll but it's okay. i'm really trying to be happy at all time, don't let anyone worry about me. i want to just keep the sadness to myself. and ofcos i don't expect anyone to read this so i can hide everything. i'm so sick and tired of feeling inferior, feeling unwanted, feeling like shit.


hahahahahahaha this is soooooo funny and cute.



HAHAHA I JUST BATHED FINISH AND *TINGTING*
i realised if i want everyone to be happy, i must be a damn good example and show people how i can be happy ALL THE TIME. SO I MUST BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT.

i'll be that happy girl with the happy aura soon ;) JUST YOU ALL WAITTTTTTTTT, HAPPINESS. WILL. CONQUER. YOUUUUUUUUUUU.

and i want to thank the girls for trying not to make me feel ugly or insecure or what , thankyou :") hahahaha. esp adrianti, she say i look like a princess in her dream. maybe that's a lie but hahaha :) and shaz also try to comfort me by saying guys have no taste, cos they say i look worse without specs. hahahahaha. THANKYOU LOVEYOU <3