today i just felt sooooo used. but i was happy after that because i din't think about it anymore and yes i said the f word not for fun but because i really meant it and it was all built up. like i felt like an object, always used, insulted like i have no feelings. it's really not nice being used AT ALL. but i guess that's life. and i still have to take life even less seriously.
and there was a moment where i guess it was fated to brighten up my whole day, where our eyes met and i think i became crazy after that where i was so super nonsensical and adhd and stuffs. hahaha. but actually i think i was hyper cos like rainbow after the storm ah ^^ hehehe.
and yeah, there's this little andrea in who wants to hug this boy not because i like him but because i feel that he's so super sincere idk why. but this is the first time i want to hug someone which is pretty rare which means he must be really sincere. and so, i came up with this little theory where sincerity is the first step to get to someone's heart ^^
hm and yeah! today some peeps saw my polaroid i took of myself for identification and i felt so damn insecure and ugly and shitty. the more they look, the more self-conscious i get. and so, i just threw away my face in the bin. now i feel a whole lot better. :") it's like my insecurity went into the bin. and sometimes i can't stand looking at myself in the mirror, wishing i could be a more beautiful person with a beautiful face but i'm still holding on to the big fat hope that one day my little prince would make me feel as beautiful and accept me for who i am, making my life a whole lot more colourful. and ofcause i also hope that he will see me as the only beautiful one even thou i may not be the prettiest face, cutest, funniest girl around.
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