Camp Life

I just came back from a church camp yesterday and this is truly the first time in 6 years that I have felt God's presence. All along, I always thought I was good enough because of this self-righteousness that I have. I thought to myself, as long as I obeyed the ten commandments, I was good enough for His mercy. I thought that it was good enough I even went for church, prayed every night and even reading the bible sometimes(it's not enough at all.)

All these times, I wondered, how and why is it that people can feel Him and even cry while the pastor is praying for them while I can't. On the last day of camp, it hit me. I had to admit that I am a sinner and mean it. I know that I'm a sinner and yet I did not do anything about it. I did not try to reach out to Him and He was seldom in the center of my life. All these years that I stopped going to church, I have drifted so far away from Him and I am so guilty of that. He has always been trying to make me feel true happiness and peace but yet I did not seek Him and now I realize, I need to surrender all of me, my sins, my thoughts, my burdens and let Him be the center of my life; steering my life into the life He wants me to lead.

Even when I started pouring out to Him, there was something in me that told me not to let it all out. That was pride. Then I told myself, just hand over everything to Him and He will make it all good for all his plans are higher than our plans and His plans is to prosper us and not to harm us. So, I let it all out. I started feeling happy, truly happy. It dawned upon me that I was not good enough because it's our human nature that we sin almost everyday. But we can be good enough through Him who gives us strength to resist all temptations and sins so that we can be purified.

It's so amazing how God works in all of us. It was so powerful to feel and sense His presence and everyone just crying out to Him and team members praying for each other. :')

I am so thankful of my church, my cell group and friends who have helped me to grow.

Sometimes I hate to be a complicated girl. I don't even know if my thoughts even have anything to do with being complicated. Having a food stain on my shirt, and you cleaning it up. I am cleaner. But I feel like shit because I feel pampered and I hate people seeing I have to clean up a mess. So does being cleaner and comfier beat me feeling like shit? You want to accompany me. I get your company. But I feel like shit because you're always sitting around doing nothing just because you have to accompany me. Does your accompaniment beat me feeling like shit?

Maybe you thought some things would make me happy. Matter of fact is they don't, because I'm so different from you. Maybe I'm still used to doing work alone, studying alone, cleaning a mess in my own comfort alone. Maybe everything you think about doing for me is more important than what I actually feel. Maybe you don't bother to know what I feel anymore. I'm sorry.

I do like your company, but I don't need it all the time. I'm very very very independent and I love being alone. Not that I don't want you by my side, but I need to be alone sometimes, especially when I'm doing my work. Hahahahahahaha nvm this just created a moment of me hating myself again. Congratulations.

I'm going to have my TP test tomorrow and I sincerely hope I'll do fine.

And it was all purple

I feel really retarded talking to a camera but hahhahaha i think it's a really good way to keep track of things. I think i look toooo white here already la but i don't know how to edit this kind of thing so T.T

This week is really hot but i've been diligently putting my lotion on my face because i have dry skin and i don't want to risk having wrinkles. Dry skin is more prone to wrinkles while oily skin is more prone to pimples but you'll look younger so i don't know which face type i like. OKAY BYE :D

Yesterday also marks the 9th monthsary with nicky boy, the longest i've ever been with anyone. (because no one can ever put up with me including myself) so ya I LOVE YOU <3

The Kite Runner + Food Adventures + Pasarbella

I just finished reading The Kite Runner and it was a good read. I can't express how it makes me feel but it made me sad so yup, thumbs up! The book doesn't speak about love between lovers but loyalty between master and servant and it was interesting (and heart wrenching) enough to make me continue reading it.

My family just recently re-painted our house, so i decided the plain white walls should be decorated hahaha with the courtesy of Nick's bouquet of flowers that were dried nicely. It was a good display of them for 30 minutes before they started falling due to the un-stickiness masking tape and I was afraid it'll ruin the paint. So, they were put back together to take over the position of the calender.

My mummy also bought for me and Nick the slider casings from Character Design hehe. It was on sale so it was slightly cheaper which was $31.90. I really like the design of this casing because I hate to take out my ez-link card from my wallet which I'll put in my bag b/c troublesome.

Also, Nick and me went to check out Creamier but it was a futile trip because it was too crowded and we had to wait 45 minutes for just waffles and ice cream :/

On Wednesday, I went to Pasarbella with Eunice and Ecclesia. The food were rather expensive but everything is almost pretty unique, so it's worth a try.

So i've been spending the last few days with nick and i'm still thankful i have him and love how we annoy each other esp with ms swan's "yeah yeah okay yeah" 😂💕

First week of Sept // Blues in my hair

Today marks the end of the first week of sept and I'm feeling quite happy because this week was quite happening. Anyway, so I met up with Eunice and Hongyu on the 3rd and there was so much laughter even though we three haven't met for quite a while. We tried to explore Chinatown but it rained so we shopped at Vivo before heading off to Little India. We also ate at Fruit Paradise and we were so full we could puke 😷

*starts photo spam*