18 February: What's happening

Nick tells me to believe he really loves me and he swears he'll only love me. But i can't. I can't believe in those words when i can't even believe that i'm good enough for him, or that i'm enough for him to stay. I know i'll never be enough. I know i'll lose him to some better girl who has a cuter smile, cuter personality and that i'll never be special enough to anyone.

I've been feeling really broken these days and i don't know why. I've been flaring up easily and ranting at nick and i know it'll be soon before he gives up on me. I really don't know how to love myself no matter how much i try. I'm soooo envious of those girls who have a cute smile and i get so bloody insecure because i just don't see anything in me. 

I'm aching so much now. And i can't even stop the ache. Useless.

14 - 16 February

I'm updating in class now because i'm extremely bored and sitting alone because wany is not here and the others are sitting in front of me >:(

Anyway 14 feb; i woke up feeling extremely excited for school, idk for what ':p and so sch was as usual and i met nicky boy after school and he's the sweetest la he bought me like a little bouquet and hehe i feel pretty. Flowers always make me feel pretty :^] and he also bought me a musical snowglobe which i really reaaaally love *.* hehe and also printed photos of us <3

Then he stayed over on friday and saturday and i really liked his company and all like i wish it could stay like this forever. He's always so damn warm and i love it hehe. So yeah that's all for these days cause i can't really remember much. Heh. 

I just wished i had like better people to hang out with, like people i can keep for life, who i can share my deepest thoughts and go crazy and still not get judged. I see everyone who has already found their bestie for life, clique for life, and i'm just here with nobody. Like there isn't anyone fun i can hang out with or more like i haven't found someone i want to hang out with. I'm supposed to be appreciating every friend i have but sometimes they're just not the people i want to keep. At least not the people from sec sch, nor the people from poly(up til now). Maybe i'll meet them when i change class in 3rd year and i'm really wishing and hoping i'll find my bestie for life, someone i can go crazy with, someone to grow old with.