i'm getting better

i want to be the kind of girl who has enough self esteem who think she is good enough for someone, who has enough confidence and trust to believe that someone really likes her and not other girls. i want to be someone who isn't insecure. i want to be someone who is confident of herself so she would stop feeling inferior to other girls. but the thing is, it's so damn hard to be that kind of girl because what i feel is the other way round. and tell me, how do you change what you feel? is it gonna be like when you touch something cold, you make yourself feel that it's something hot?

anyway apart from that, yesterday was damn freaking fun and crazy like literally people were high and haha they say that's when you're honest and some guy confess that he likes this girl and honestly, everything was just honest. well, i was abit high too and i kind of liked that feeling because i laughed more at everything and i didn't feel sadness like i do now. maybe the sadness is from pms hahahaha. but yeah, i kind of love last night. :")

and today had dinner with jerrold @ makisan and the sushi was sooooo good man like serious but the price of the sushi also not say cheap lahhh, then supposed to have supper with leon after that, but the three of us ended lol-ing and hahahaha i feel like a burden abit sigh. but thank God they don't blame me or anything :")

i must say i'm moving on pretty well, and like i said the events are placed so timely. hahahahahahah.

something hit me yesterday that lead me to think if you already planned on breaking with me and this trust thing is the chance for you to do just that. and it really sucks knowing someone you love doesn't love you as much or even plans on leaving and not staying. but i guess for now, i'm getting on fine because i have a few outings that take my mind off you, and also people to talk to.

today i'm gonna meet more girls hehehe amabel was like my best friend in p6 or sec 1? and we had sleepovers at my house, i'll have dinner/lunch at her house after school, play maple together. hehe GOOD OL TIMES MAN. can't wait teehee :D and also a other few classmates, like AMACHIA HEHE she was the class monitor and i think i liked her HAHA as in not like like but a friend like. like she can be so damn funny HAHAAHAHA(i'm not even sure about that, i can't remember ahaha) and jelene and edith and hongyu also xD

i don't wanna know

haha i started living my own life already, met up with hy, eunice, mel, jamie to celebrate hy's bday and mine(?) hahaha and it was a great meetup, like we laughed alot heh :D but everyone don't feel as close anymore. i feel so far apart from everyone. oh and met up with jerrold and leon too and cantona anyhow join in but it's was an awesome meetup like it's been so long since i last saw jerrold. hehe. it's quite comforting to know that we've actually been friends for close to 5 years or more x) he's actually the one who saw me when i had short hair, before-braces stage, all my worst years hahah. but again i didn't feel as close as last time. well, i guess it takes time to "close up" again.

well, it's really so hurtful when i think of you or read back and i get teary, i remember even crying all the way in the bus on friday just because i thought of you again. like wow. hahah. I'M TEARY AGAIN AHAHAHAHA STUPID FOOLDREA. heh. am i silly for falling in love with you and believing you'll stay with me all the way, even in my worse states, on my darkest nights. but what's done is done right, i have to get on and move on and be on my happy trip without you now. after all, you've have to grow through the dirt to be a beautiful flower(not saying i will be one...)

hm, but i do hope you're doing well and imagining how happy you'll be when you meet the right one :'|

sorry for not being the one for you.

i'm just gonna convince myself you stopped liking me and gave up on me. maybe this will all get better with that mindset. maybe then i'll stop hoping.

that sentence you said, hurts.