Camp Life

I just came back from a church camp yesterday and this is truly the first time in 6 years that I have felt God's presence. All along, I always thought I was good enough because of this self-righteousness that I have. I thought to myself, as long as I obeyed the ten commandments, I was good enough for His mercy. I thought that it was good enough I even went for church, prayed every night and even reading the bible sometimes(it's not enough at all.)

All these times, I wondered, how and why is it that people can feel Him and even cry while the pastor is praying for them while I can't. On the last day of camp, it hit me. I had to admit that I am a sinner and mean it. I know that I'm a sinner and yet I did not do anything about it. I did not try to reach out to Him and He was seldom in the center of my life. All these years that I stopped going to church, I have drifted so far away from Him and I am so guilty of that. He has always been trying to make me feel true happiness and peace but yet I did not seek Him and now I realize, I need to surrender all of me, my sins, my thoughts, my burdens and let Him be the center of my life; steering my life into the life He wants me to lead.

Even when I started pouring out to Him, there was something in me that told me not to let it all out. That was pride. Then I told myself, just hand over everything to Him and He will make it all good for all his plans are higher than our plans and His plans is to prosper us and not to harm us. So, I let it all out. I started feeling happy, truly happy. It dawned upon me that I was not good enough because it's our human nature that we sin almost everyday. But we can be good enough through Him who gives us strength to resist all temptations and sins so that we can be purified.

It's so amazing how God works in all of us. It was so powerful to feel and sense His presence and everyone just crying out to Him and team members praying for each other. :')

I am so thankful of my church, my cell group and friends who have helped me to grow.

Sometimes I hate to be a complicated girl. I don't even know if my thoughts even have anything to do with being complicated. Having a food stain on my shirt, and you cleaning it up. I am cleaner. But I feel like shit because I feel pampered and I hate people seeing I have to clean up a mess. So does being cleaner and comfier beat me feeling like shit? You want to accompany me. I get your company. But I feel like shit because you're always sitting around doing nothing just because you have to accompany me. Does your accompaniment beat me feeling like shit?

Maybe you thought some things would make me happy. Matter of fact is they don't, because I'm so different from you. Maybe I'm still used to doing work alone, studying alone, cleaning a mess in my own comfort alone. Maybe everything you think about doing for me is more important than what I actually feel. Maybe you don't bother to know what I feel anymore. I'm sorry.

I do like your company, but I don't need it all the time. I'm very very very independent and I love being alone. Not that I don't want you by my side, but I need to be alone sometimes, especially when I'm doing my work. Hahahahahahaha nvm this just created a moment of me hating myself again. Congratulations.

I'm going to have my TP test tomorrow and I sincerely hope I'll do fine.

And it was all purple

I feel really retarded talking to a camera but hahhahaha i think it's a really good way to keep track of things. I think i look toooo white here already la but i don't know how to edit this kind of thing so T.T

This week is really hot but i've been diligently putting my lotion on my face because i have dry skin and i don't want to risk having wrinkles. Dry skin is more prone to wrinkles while oily skin is more prone to pimples but you'll look younger so i don't know which face type i like. OKAY BYE :D

Yesterday also marks the 9th monthsary with nicky boy, the longest i've ever been with anyone. (because no one can ever put up with me including myself) so ya I LOVE YOU <3

The Kite Runner + Food Adventures + Pasarbella

I just finished reading The Kite Runner and it was a good read. I can't express how it makes me feel but it made me sad so yup, thumbs up! The book doesn't speak about love between lovers but loyalty between master and servant and it was interesting (and heart wrenching) enough to make me continue reading it.

My family just recently re-painted our house, so i decided the plain white walls should be decorated hahaha with the courtesy of Nick's bouquet of flowers that were dried nicely. It was a good display of them for 30 minutes before they started falling due to the un-stickiness masking tape and I was afraid it'll ruin the paint. So, they were put back together to take over the position of the calender.

My mummy also bought for me and Nick the slider casings from Character Design hehe. It was on sale so it was slightly cheaper which was $31.90. I really like the design of this casing because I hate to take out my ez-link card from my wallet which I'll put in my bag b/c troublesome.

Also, Nick and me went to check out Creamier but it was a futile trip because it was too crowded and we had to wait 45 minutes for just waffles and ice cream :/

On Wednesday, I went to Pasarbella with Eunice and Ecclesia. The food were rather expensive but everything is almost pretty unique, so it's worth a try.

So i've been spending the last few days with nick and i'm still thankful i have him and love how we annoy each other esp with ms swan's "yeah yeah okay yeah" 😂💕

First week of Sept // Blues in my hair

Today marks the end of the first week of sept and I'm feeling quite happy because this week was quite happening. Anyway, so I met up with Eunice and Hongyu on the 3rd and there was so much laughter even though we three haven't met for quite a while. We tried to explore Chinatown but it rained so we shopped at Vivo before heading off to Little India. We also ate at Fruit Paradise and we were so full we could puke 😷

*starts photo spam*

eXams are over!!

Doesn't this picture remind you of the beach(or me, the bitch hahahaha), the carefree life? It does to meee because it smells like freedom in the air. I did my last paper today and I was disappointed yet glad because I expected the paper to be waaay harder but it was easy!

Actually I have a lot of reflection to do; like why did I start studying properly only in year 3? As in maybe I should have started studying like this in year 1, then I would have gotten cumulative GPA 4 (just kidding, maybe 3.7+) but still, better late than never. But it really feels good to study and being able to answer almost all the questions and knowing in your heart, 'I got this'.

Anyway, holidays aren't really holidays. It's hol(finish-all-your-projects)iday, so I've got to finish my FYP which is close or is 20 credit points. So if I screw this up, I'm a goner. Well, not actually a goner because I'm not planning to go to business course or what but actually becoming my dream job, a n u r s e.

Weekly Update

So this was at foo's house for our 8th monthsary dinner and everything was just so perrrrrrffeeccttt hehehehe. I had the salmon steak while nicky boy had the chicken and it was all so yummy hehe. And the flower on our table was so nicely(coincidentally) placed to form a shadow of a grasshopper!!! :DD

Behave Confidently

There are a few types of girls that deal with their inner confidence. Some wouldn't leave their house without putting their makeup on because they feel insecure about how they look, how people view them. Then there are those who are insecure, but yet don't put makeup because they don't want to resort to being "fake" to feel good. After all, you're still going to question yourself if it's really you in the mirror after you've taken off your makeup. It's like a clown, you cover your face with a big red nose and big hair with a big smile. You love to make people laugh, in a good way. But never, do you know who is behind a clown's disguise. Are you still a clown when your role is done at the end of the day? You should be able to still feel as beautiful as you should when you have makeup on because i'm sure you still want to make people laugh when you aren't disguising as a clown.

You don't have to be a clown to make people laugh. You don't have to put makeup to feel beautiful and confident. You have to do little things like:

1. Going out in your favorite outfit for e.g. wear your favorite jeans

2. Moisturize yourself

3. Dress up for yourself

4. Pamper your skin

Doing these small little things will make you feel good about yourself when you leave house. Don't look at the floor when you walk. Meet people in the eye and still keep your head up. Don't feel scared to walk alone because independent girls are waaaay better than needy girls. Sure, you may go out in makeup but you do not put makeup just because you feel insecure. You wear makeup to make yourself more confident, and when you wipe them off your face, you should still feel the same confidence inside of you.

I am insecure, but I am working to not be insecure because I want to feel happy with being myself. Wearing my favorite pair of jeans really makes me feel more confident and I love that feeling of not being insecure when you walk on the streets. Another thing i love is seeing people happy with themselves with little or no makeup on. It isn't easy, but it takes practice. Take each morning to tell yourself to feel confident and believe you can be and you'll naturally be happy. Paste a quote on your mirror, your toilet, anywhere you'll see every morning to start the day right.

Clear-it-all-away period

I went to shop at plaza sing and bought useless stuffs as usual ahahahaha can't stop splurging. Bought this essence stick(?) and my mum says it's better to buy this kind than to buy the ambi pur gel and now my part of my room smells sweet hehe. I always can't seem to decide between a sweet smell or a fresh scent :(

I also walked at Monoyono and it was a freaking nice vintage shop and I explored in that area for like 15mins so I felt bad to just leave the shop without buying anything. So, I bought this spray that you spray into the toilet bowl before doing your business and it won't smell. It costed me $16.90!! Haha.

I also cleared my room of one drawer and replaced with Billy(ikea named it) and because it's so short, it actually makes me feel like the room is more spacious yay hehe.

Been wanting to find this kind of cutting for shortssss but this shorts is so expensive :(