today ain't such a good day /: i went to church in the morning and didn't go in for service cos i was 'late' and i will only go in if i have like joe mel eunice at times. unless i'm early and no ones in the audi yet.

but today. they asked me to go in and i just couldn't bring myself to go in no matter how much i wana listen to the sermon. reason: scared. i don't know what i'm scared of. i rilly kinda hate my guts. but i guess today has made me realise this church isn't right for me i guess. the people don't really care about me. and i'm always usually alone and i know. they're gonna say, is they ask me alr but i don't wana go with them. infact. i'm always feeling like an extra and i know people are jugding me and saying i attention seeker ba /: haha. i feel so out of place there. so today after svc, i went home. and as usual no one realised so i made a final decision to quit this church. i ain't feeling good about this but. i made up my mind :)

you told me where i stand in your heart. but today. i really understood where i stand. you proven it to me :) i stand nowhere hahahhaha. wee :D shldnt have believed you from the start /: that one special day was just an excuse. it doesnt mean anything. neer will to you.

i'm really gonna miss like my friends there and i probably won't see them ever again. that'll probably make them happy anyway :) but don't worry, i won't forget about God :)

:'(

today had digital electronics and we went to the lab! super cooooool B) hahaha. i think i very lucky, i sit that seat de machine got human talking one. haha. but is like repeating same thing. then tcher say he teach 20years also never happen bfore :p haha. and only my machine got that lady voice! hahahahaha. sch's fun so far, xcept for waking up early :( teeheeeez. hahaha. my friends says my laughter is creepy only. hahahahaha. nvm. :D

life :) my hard disk isnt working anymore and all my data are inside. i have no one to blame but myself /: i lost everything now :'( haha. i have no guts to go in for svc alone. what the fuck is wrong with me. im chicken hearted :( haha. i have nothing good in me at all. can't make friends, can't keep friends. failure. today even forgot to bring home my shoebag and towel, stupid brain. all my friends are continuing to leave me out as usual and i'm still trying to get used to it and acting like i don't care. but i guess maybe God wants it to be a fresh start, no old friends and all. just new. i have to sleep and pray tmr i won't be ao goondo anymore. ugh. sorry gaiz. please be happy all :)

may the camel eat all your sadness and troubles away! :) goodknight :)

this sucks. the feeling of losing a dear friend. so silly of me to keep trying to keep the convo going only to realise the person doesn't rilly talk to you for you. but for the sake of having messages to reply to in the fone. i guess it was like that for him, and now you too. seeing that you don't bother explaining why you replied late like last time shows it le. i guess my life's just like that :) i have to do whatever you want me to do ba. i can't read your mind, i don't know what you want. so i will just assume what you want me to do would be better for you :) in poly, it would be rilly hard to find true friends ba. you wouldn't know who's being friends with you for the right reasons or not. but it's okay :) i will bury my troubles into the sand in the beach where the waves would carry it far away, i wouldn't be able to find it alr :) hehehe i'm happy le! thank God for blogs where you can type without being judged unlike fb. after typing what i feel, i feel so much better :D hehehe. YAYYYYY:D

it's not that everything's fine now. it's just i'm rilly good at acting. guess you don't me that well ba :) haha. i don't want to show anyone that i can't leave without them. i don't want to show anyone that i will be happier without them. i don't want to show anyone i care. just so that when anyone wants to leave me for somefriend or someone better, they won't need to care about me :) perhaps you think i'm selfish. and that's fine with me :) making myself feel this way helps me to not get hurt as much as i would showing i would care and still have anyone leaving me.:( haha. goodknight. i'm sorry for ranting at you :(