maybe it's time to let go of the memories

it kinda hurts when you miss people that don't miss you. they're out again together but i guess i won't say anything. i'll miss the memories. i won't miss hanging out with them anymore. this way i won't get affected. :'( i'm sorry for being sad. maybe i shall keep telling myself they don't matter anymore cause i don't matter to them anymore. maybe then i'll believe the words i say. thanks guys for everything anyway. </3

seems like i always want to be with the wrong group of friends, friends who don't want to be with me or don't like me or something like that. i'll be fine alone, or at least try to be. yeah, because i'm the problem. and i don't know what's wrong with me. i'm sorry.

MY LOVE

hehehehe i think we so cute eh ahaha. i bought az the roll-up sleeve shirt and for me also then we can couple couple hehehe. it's abit hard to ask him to take pictures tgt because he is a laaaaaaazy boy heh. anyway i appreciate him alot for being there for me and trying to send me home whenever he can hehehe. <3

tingy tongy

hehehe this boy is the best. yesterday he just brought from home his mum's cooking and it's seeeeDAPPP ahahaha i love him la. just look at his eyebrows, one up one down i also dk how to do that ahahaha. kkbyeeeeeeeee :D

my heart won't let you go

i got to sleep with this little baby yesterday and he was a little monster at times, chewing on everything especially waking me up by chewing on my hair ahahaha. but it was only twice so i had to give it some milk bottled milk. but it was rather nice sleeping with something warm, something living. i remember it once banged into my arm or shoulder then fall asleep just like that. hehe. then another time it just slept on top of my head, then ended up at my neck. it was cute hehe.

look at his tiny eyes hehe. he was 30+ days years old only hehehe. but it had this eyes i could stare into like it was the most precious thing i've seen. and sometimes when i stared at it, he would run into me and try to bite my nose ahahahaha. he literally bites everything hehe so sometimes i just hide under my blanket then he would go find something else to bite ahaha.

and this was my bed last last night hehe, look at the tiny baby. and the jacket beside it, i never want to return it to its owner. because everytime i miss him, i can just smell it :")

it scared me when it said good morning ytd morning!!! yeah, lol it was a talking dog. cool right!! hehe. JUST KEEDING OMG AHAHAHA. but yeah this was in the morning. doesn't it look so cute it could brighten your day? i guess these are the things you call sunshine.

and lastly ending with my face and the little baby hehehehe. are you proud of me because i have absolutely used no filter at all which means actually my camera not that bad hor, just look at the sunshine baby, sleeping baby, isn't it of high high quality?! woohooooooo.

ps; i miss you so much :((((

goodbye is probably your favourite word

your love for me isn't enough to make you stay. my love for you isn't enough to make you stay. our love wasn't enough to make you stay. now you want to go and find someone who doesn't feel bad replying to other boys. i'm speechless, because i will always feel bad for not replying to others. i'm sorry i'm not good enough for you. it just seems all the 'i love you more' lost its meaning because you said it and now you are making the choice to leave me. ha ha it's okay, everyone wants to leave me. just that when anyone leaves, i'll pray so hard for that person to be happy always. i've tried so hard to make you happy and then you say we've tried so hard making each other happy that we forgot what made each other hurt. you've taken out our photos from your phone and you're determined to leave me because you don't want to hurt anymore. the boy i knew was always right, are you right this time that i will hurt you forever? i'm scared. i'm scared to leave you. i don't want you to feel lonely. i want you to feel loved and feel wanted. but still, you want to leave me because you don't want to hurt you.

xx

today i almost wanted to give up but i know you are a great guy and i don't want to give you up. this is the first time i ever fought so hard in my life for someone i want. this feeling is exhausting but i guess if you still want to leave me, i guess i can say i tried my best and keep trying to look out for you, take care of you no matter what.

i think i have to thank the random stranger that you actually came down and i also thank you for trying to look for me. thank you for everything my dear :") i felt so upset letting you go home because i don't know when is the next time i'll ever get to be with you again. thankyou for giving me the hug when i asked for it. and taking out my specs so i could dry my tears on your shirt. thank you, kau beda dari jartu dari syurga. but you know i will try to be better for you, to improve on ways so i won't ever hurt you again. that's if you promise to never leave me, then i'll do those. because if you don't, once you leave me, i'm left with absolutely nothing, no comfort, no care, no love.

thank you for always being my lifebuoy, for times when i was suffering in the toilet, for times when i was sad.

but i wonder, are you sad like me? holding back the tears when you let me go? or have you never loved me as much as i did...

aishiteru

i always looked at you this way, but never saw you look at me this way before. maybe you did, but less than i did. i loved you. i loved the way you laugh because you don't laugh often. and when i get to make you smile or laugh, i feel happy. and day after day, i just hope to see that smile of yours when you see me. and now, i won't get to see you smile because of me or sleep in your company anymore. i've always felt safe in your company because i felt you'll protect me, especially when you wrap your arms around me. you made me feel secure. and whenever i'm sad, i just turn to you and you'll try to comfort me. and sometimes when i'm crying, you'll be there to wipe my tears and hug me til i'm alright.

i've hurt you so much i can't bear to hurt you anymore so i will let you go. even if it means hurting myself because it hurts when you're gone. i still want be there for you when you're sad, i want to hug you til you're alright. i want to fix you. but i never realised that i was actually breaking you. and any time i knew you were broken, a part of me is broken too, i can't help but wish i can make you happy everyday of your life, making you forget anything that made you sad. i'm so sorry i couldn't fix you. maybe i shouldn't have tried to fix you because i couldn't fix my own life too. and now, i can't even fix this relationship.

this is us now. i'm glad you're happy now and don't have feelings for me anymore. everytime i think about you, my throat hurts, my vision is blurry. i can't do this anymore. :'(

not broken, just bent

this time, i'm really on my own. i do wish the best for you. sorry for the pain i caused. i don't know what else i can do but to let you go and be happy because you'll only receive pain when you're with me :"(