today while doing my project, classmates asked "did anyone ever call you ugly?", "yeah.", "as in not joking one leh.", "yeah.", "who?" and at that moment i rmb people calling me ugly but i don't rmb who except myself so i said "myself." and i just realised how pathetic i sound. and i think of my not so high self esteem, people tend to think i am an attention seeking whore but i'm honestly not. cos i honestly sometimes can't bring myself to look at myself in the mirror. i just feel... unpretty.

and i never liked people disturbing me with good friends because i'm so afraid that friendships will be affected, like to avoid stuffs, i will drift further from my good friends and that of course will affect my friendship with the other. sigh i feel, heavy hearted :(

the praise goes out to You! (:

hahahaha omg this is so cute, poo poo heads hehehe.

anyway i love today, it's just yay!!!! HAHAHA. sooo after chionging pbl which i left halfway, which i really feel guilty about. I WENT TO EAT BUFFET. ok yes i feel guilty cos i left pbl to EAT hahahaha. and then after eating, we went to watch movieeee, yes it was moving pictures therefore called a moveEEE HAHAHA. ok sorry hehehe. i am such a burden, i had to go toilet at sort of an unappropriate time cos of my stupid stomach throwing tantrums again GR hahaha. but yeshhhh, i really love all my friends, they're all nice and all, they never blame me :D hehe. and thankyou for everything :D anyway, i just really like today because there were my favourite people or used to be or still is i'm not sure myself :") TAKE CARE BUAISZXZXZC.

i can't.

this so so so much.
i thank God for friends, on friday i wasn't feel tiptop(woahwoah vocabdrea) HAHA but in the morning shaz give me manymany sweets ah that i said i love her HAHA. when i'm tipsytopsy(woahwoah again siol) i guess i'm just idiotic man, i can't even mushy mushy to my parents how to mushy to my friends ahahahaha. then after sch went to walkwalk with jerrold and leon and they're quite sweet cos they ask if i'm okay hahaha. so ya i thank God for them :")

honestly, i don't know why i'm so sensitive nowadays but i'm just gonna say what's on my mind. i miss your daily texts, i miss eating with you, i miss hearing your stories, i just miss everything. and yes i do miss you too. i feel happy when i see you, as in i can't forget the years of friendship we had. i'm sorry if i'm wrong for missing everything... it's just when i look at you, i remember everything that happened in our friendship and i can never thank God enough for those. now we're just friends. normal friends. that just sucks. but i'll get over it, i just need time... /:

i never liked to bother people about my problems or bother people with even being myself cos i can be annoying at times. i know i can never really find someone who can stand my oversensitivity, my overinsecurities, my overjealousy but all i can say is i'm sorry for being me. and once i feel that someone is tired of me/annoyed/irritated, i just try to stay further away from them. because i don't wanna bother people, with my voice, my words, my everything :'( i told you one day you will be tired of me, and that day is probably now or yesterday. i'm so sorry, i was just being me, i don't know how to be like others, so perfectly normal and confident of themselves. i'm so sorry :'(

fishes love.

i really wanted you to be okay, but when as i was closer to the place, i was getting scared. for fear i don't know the right words to say, or not having the ability to make you feel better. and when we sat and all, i didn't even see you smile genuinely. i didn't even know what to do. and it seemed like you wanted to avoid me which made it even harder for me to comfort you or even give you a hug which i planned to give. because i felt you would need it. but time got by and, i failed. i feel so fucking useless for not being able to make you happy, for not knowing what to do. i'm so sorry, so so sorry :'( i tried so hard to hold back my tears at the table, on the train, at home. but i just couldn't hold in when someone asked me if i was okay. i'm sorry. i really feel like a stupid failure, i'm so so sorry :( i wish i could take away your sadness. sorry :(

i'm so sorry for betraying you, i don't feel good at all and i feel like a stupid bitch or beast or monster. i'm so sorry, really...

and i'm thankful for friends, alot.

and i also hope you're truly ok, telling people not to worry actually doesn't make me worry less. it just makes me feel like you're trying to do this alone, and i know how it hurts. yet i don't know what i can do to make you feel better.

i wanna take all the sadness away from all of you. so no one will feel sad, just me alone. cos i'm fine with that. i just don't wanna see anyone sad, esp my good friends :(

MAGIC BOX

HALOW HAHA. today was a happy day cos i was happy xcept in the morning! hahahaha but overall i was happy!!!!!! haha. i feel so exhausted now. i love feeling tired because i can always sleep at night YAY.

hahaha and don't the message seem magical? i was getting lectured the prev night and maybe prev prev nights or smth and tada ~ today my message from God hehehehe. i'm trying to install this thinking into me :D HAHAHAHA HAIS(BAIS). HAHAHHAA.

HAHA IDK WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AND THIS BURST OF HAPPINESS HAHAHAHA. I THINK I LOOK BETTER IN BLACK MAN. HAHAHAHA. DUMDUMDUM! :D HEHEHE.

I FAILED MY PEEE HAHAAHHAHA. BYE BYE

i think there's no point for me to say i'm hurt only for you to know yet do nothing about it. i rather you don't know so there would be an excuse for me to say that you don't know that's why you don't do anything to make me feel better. and maybe sometimes you do know, but it just seems you don't care and when i was tearing, you just went to sleep. hahahaha. but ofcos i don't expect much :D but the thing about saying you care, the thing isn't true.

overdue.

don't you just think they look like fairydust? :") hehe.

this was on 1 jan, where i spent almost the whole day of 31st walking around aimlessly, finding food with bestie and the fireworks was the best part to me! but of cos i liked the walking part with bestie :") and that was a good start of the year and i really enjoyed myself hehe, even though our legs were aching and kept finding place to sit down and rest. then finally at 6 we fell asleep for a short while on a seat hahahahaa. :")

5th Jan @ USS

this was waiting for a ride to i forgot what hehe.

this boy looks creepy but cute! maybe me too :p

and this is so small but it's the five of us! 

and this is at strictly pancakes where jerrold had to go off for worship prac :( but i LOVE the mushrooms there hehe.

and overall, i enjoyed everything at USS too, like from the cylon&human rides to idk many more. i enjoyed screaming even thou i said i wouldn't scream but haha, they all want to sit beside me to hear me scream. meanies HAHA. no lah, they're all really nice people. and the sad part is when we were in the bus talking, then leon and shen told me they know me well, just because they know i think alot. haha. i feel, touched a little. haha. and ofcos jerrold too! he knows me well too, and they all tell me i must have more confidence but hahahaha. 

thankyou bestie, leon, jingshen and jerrold (: 

it's like everyone wants to break me.

i don't know why i'm suddenly tired of smiling, like in the morning, i was happy to meet everyone. but i don't know when i started to be tired of smiling but i guess i've lost a bit of me cos norita said watermelon won't work out anymore. something i look forward to, won't work out. maybe it's because we've all changed, for better or for worse. or we just can't accept certain behaviours. or probably, we just can't click anymore. i don't know. perhaps the holidays were at a right time, for us to sort out our thoughts and fights and stuffs. but  the hard thing to believe is
things won't be the same.

and again, a part of me is broken again. because i found out that you actually ain't fine with me. i was partly happy that we're ok you know? i tried to delete the awkwardness between us by taking the first step. and you too wrote me the letter during camp, i was really really happy you know? happy cos we can be friends again. and actually part of the reason i don't wanna ask you out to solve things is because you're now close to many girls esp someone i don't particularly like. i don't want to be close, because i don't wanna get hurt. and i also feel that you've become more of a flirt so i didn't exactly want to talk to you more. i know you're probably calling me a bitch cos of many reasons. and no, it's not that i've forgotten about you, really. you're still (^(oo)^) on my phone because i hoped, things would be the same. but no, i think i'm the bitch in your life now and you still hate me, detest me. i don't know. i can only hope.
i'm sorry.

usually, i wouldn't know if i miss anyone but i will when i meet that person and feel extra happy when i see that person OR when i feel sad and think of that person.

and i know i'm missing watermelonies, because i feel so sad because i miss them :( i really can't wait to see them tomorrow and i'm hoping we can lepak after school like always and be happy again (: i really miss those times where we can just laugh at each other for being retarded and we all being retards together. it was reallyreally fun to me ^^