Funny how someone tells you he loves you when he can leave you sad alone when i can't do just that. but i guess it's okay. it's just my stupid thoughts running wild. like why you reply me slow when i'm in pain? then i think it might be because you having fun doing some other stuffs or something like that.
But i do thank friends for being there. Fed actually texted me to ask if i'm alright, when i tweeted a short sentence, and at the same time, no reply from the person that claims to love me. i don't know where i stand. matter i do matter to you. but not that much. maybe i matter more to him. i'm not sure. but Fed leaves me really guility because i am planning not to reply after a few texts because i don't want someone to be jealous but this is the most guiliest i ever been because Fed was actually here when he's not here. I'm not sure if i can believe his reasons because it has happened so many times(his phone and stuffs) i don't know what to believe cause i'm not physically there to see what he's really doing.
Then he asks me to go to sleep. Maybe it's because he feels i should stop bothering him and sleep so no one can disturb him. Maybe everyone wants that. Wany even talked to me in a tone i really disliked and it made me so hurt but i can't tell her.
Anyway everything hurts so bad now and i realised recently why i always laugh, even when it's not funny. it's because i know how it feels when you try to make something better or try to make jokes and no one laugh but yourself and you can't help but feel ignored. so i will laugh, to acknowledge everyone so they'll never feel this way but no one bothers to do the same for me. :'(
