haha this morning i woke up at like 5:56am because i heard thunder and all and my bolster wasn't with me! haha but in the end i found it on the barrier between aunty and i! haha. then i asked her how come my bolster there then she said she dunno how come my bolster suddenly jump to her bed so she put it on the barrier ah. hahahahahaha. and i found it very funny hahahaha.
and today i went church which means i woke up early which means i was tired ah so i was a little out of sorts and became weird and shit and hahaha. so after church eunice had to go party so i went lunch with the old usual and went pool with cantona and jingyang after that and gosh my pool like shit ah. ahahaha and when i was sitting on the chair i almost flipped the whole chair and i was holding the cue and accidentally hit the lights and accidentally faulted 3 balls cos i touched them accidentally. i was literally so idiotic. gaahh.
and so that's what happens when i'm tired, i don't hide anything and become more gutsy and idiotic which is just being me. but when i'm not, i'm usually conscious of what people think of me so i tend to control my idiocy more esp with people i'm not close with. hahaha.
hm after reading some blogs i feel the blogger in me wanting to blorg it all out. hahahaha. sounds so gross but whateverrrr hahahaha. but i got the inspiration to blog about this part is after reading some stuffs and yeah tadaaaaa ~ ahaha. but yeah.
everyone has had their own crushes and lovers and lovees. and before we get into another relationship, we actually put away our emotions for our previous crushes and likes and sooner or later, those emotions will resurface. for e.g you currently have a crush on someone, have you ever thought that this someone actually reminds you of your previous lovees/crushes or probly you are trying to transfer those emotions of your past into this someone? but honestly, think if you really want your past back, and if you can't let go of your past yet, do not start a new relationship for one day, you'll find yourself remembering those past crushes/likes and realise that your true feelings are not for this someone but for a previous lovee/crush and this transfer of feelings will be transferred back, you will then be stuck in a dilemma if you really like this someone or it was just a transfer.
and i know for me now, i haven't sorted out my feelings into those respective labelled boxes yet but i'm sure i will one day i will and when that day comes, i'll be ready. hahaha. crazzzeeee. but yeah i still think of everyone i was close to and trying to sort them into those boxes of whether it was a transfer or it was real. but for you, i'm sure at least a part of us was real and do you remember, i said you'll be one of the best or rather the best i've had. and surely some part of my heart was true to make me say that. haha. and i don't know if i said it bfore but i think you're cute. hahahaha.
and in general, i know i tend to push everyone away because i'm scared i'm the subsitute or rather a container for this transfer to take place where everything will turn out to be wrong. and yeah that's also why i told you before maybe your feelings for her was transferred into me where i was so afraid for a period of time and convince myself i don't want you just in case you didn't want me so yeah i guess i was too sensitive or whatever you call it but yeah that's why i probably gonna remain single for lifeeee. and yes i've cried over many people but that's because i loved you in either a friendzy or lovery way! haha. just like i cried over my clique cos i feel they left me out and etc gah i was stupid and plain stupid was i. like how i cried when hy cried and we all cried tgt. haha. and i've cried cos i was jealous and that was probably cos some part of me loved you and afraid of losing you. hahahahaha. crazy i am so crazy and crazy is little girl in me. AND YES IM A CRYBABY 8( when there was thunder and lightning that woke me up at night, i was so scared til i cried back to sleep, when i thought of losing dearest friends, i teared. and when everything is too overwhelming for me, i tear again and when i think i'm not good enough or no longer strong enough to believe i can do it, i tear. okay, just keeding, i don't cry or tear! I SWEATTTTTTTT. okay la i admit everything written here is true with my hand over my heart except the part where i don't tear or cry.
but yes, even though you all don't care anymore, i still thankyou, thankyou for the laughters and tears you've brought into my life. i'll very much like to give you all a big barney thankyou hug! 8) ahaha okay not barney, just andrea hug okay? 8)
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