i wish christmas could be like a whole month, except for the song part. just the lights part. a mere 12 days or smth isn't enough for me to go around admiring pretty lights which i don't mind walking all around for hours even if i'm tired, just to look at them. because they're just so comforting i guess :")

hahahaha and i just rmbed i "caught" a lightbulb on a christmas tree pretending it was a firefly to amaze korkor in bali but he just said 'okay' HAHAHA nvm, i amused myself and a fellow guy who saw me doing it. hahahahaha. yeah maybe that's the life a loner lives :p hehe.

BUDDEN IN BALi, I REALLY SAW A FIREFLY. just one! and when i went to try to catch it, it flew far away :( but idk, it's like a little miracle. hehe.

and in one of the days in bali, i went water rafting and it was SUPER fun. hehe. one family in one boat and there was many of families there so we played water at each other SO FUNNY HAHAHA. and being andrea, i wanted to use my helmet to block them so i look like a rhino or smth and one family splashed at me. IT WAS FUNNYILY FUN HEHE.

left out like always. cos i found out. but it's okay! I SHALL BE HAPPY. actually no. a part of me died alr. AH NVM. I HAPPY LAH HAHAHAHA.

OHHH and i finished a book within 2 nights and an afternoon hehe :D THE FAULT IN OUR STARS. hahahah got the words stars inside but the book is veryvery nice cos i seldom read books i guess hehe. but inside got a scene that they ehem, thats the part i dislike the most, otherwise i really like the rest :D then i tried to read a book again today, but i fell asleep.... HAHA. okayyyyyy :D

SHOOT AGAIN YO.

"First off, I look for a woman with a great personality over anything else. I would want a woman that I can be completely honest with and that I would trust with my life. I want someone who understands the real me and can tell when something is wrong, and that will do whatever it takes to make me smile. But most of all I want someone that will stay in my life; someone that won’t just give up on us when things get tough." - christ-is-lord

THIS IS WHAT I WANT TOO HAHA.

 anyway, i just realised i take friends too seriously, like i should be like 'they come and go.' but i dunno why i just have to take possession of my friends too, i'm too selfish uh :( if normal friends/acquaintances, i don't care if they go out with other people or whatever, but if you're someone who i regard as close friend/good friend. i certainly will feel jealous one. sigh, even with girls luh. that's why uh i selfishhhhh. i want all my friends i truly care for :( PMSING NOW SORRY :( I SUDDENLY MISS MANY THINGS WHICH IS TERRIBLY UNLIKE MY UNPMS PERIOD HAHA. and my memories are gone, maybe cos i've thought the memories too many times, or the memories has hurt me so much that i forgot everything. but somehow i rmb me crying many times, because a dear friend cried for idk, because a dear friend was feeling sad, because a dear friend got scolded, because i feel left out by my dear friends. and this is all sec sch memories. maybe that's why i somehow feel it's all happening again even thou i forgot why. HAHA.

ANYWAY I'M GOING BALI FOR 9 DAYS SO YEAH, GOOD GETAWAY FROM EVERYTHING I GUESS HEHE. OKAY NOT HEHE. I FEEL SAD BUT I DUNNO WHY. ACTUALLY I KNOW WHY. IT'S COS I MISS THINGS OR WILL MISS PEOPLE BUT HAHA. I SHOULD SHUT DOWN!

now i know why i wanna be nurse alr, it's cos i wanna take care of everyone! making sure everyone is happy and healthy! and if i become a nurse, if anyone sick, i know how to help them, to get better. and if possible i can even find a cure for all these diseases. and even if i can't i can pray for those i know who are sick, that God will heal them miraculously like he did before. :D hahahaha. i wanna take care of all my friends too, i want to make them happy. and because i don't know the right words, i will try to show it in action!



but the thing i'm afraid of is to always take the first step, i don't want to always be the one asking, i feel like i talk too much because i wanna keep the convo going. and i have the urge to stop talking because i feel i probably care too much for the friendship again. hahahaha. okay can andrea. you are strong, andrea. you are happy, andrea :D


i know i'm God's creation and i'm not supposed to feel this way, but i guess i'm just not that close to God to the point where i feel 'perfect' or the point where my self esteem isn't low. i tend to think too much of little things and i know people might get tired of me, like YOU. and when i overthink, you think i want ahh HUHHH HAHA. i just can't control ah. and i know when i overthink, no one understands me and get annoyed with me. and that's probably why i like being alone because if i have no one, i'll be happier than having a friend who doesn't care. :(

i'm sorry little bloggie, i'm really trying to be happy but i can't. i'll get through this soon k.
so let's say, i cried because i don't fucking care yea?

and everytime i finish crying, i always look at myself in the mirror and i can feel myself getting cold. and for the next few days, i can feel nothing but happiness. i won't be able to feel sad. because i felt myself being stronger. and my heart was saying "nothing can hurt you." because i remember the pain i felt while crying for who knows how long, so my heart shuts down for that few days. then after that few days, i forgot about the pain and i can feel sadness again and starts tearing again. so if i tell you i'm stonehearted, it means i actually cried a few days back. i know this sounds make up but up to you to believe (:

telling everyone i'm always happy even when i'm on the verge of tears.
okay.

HAHAHAHA so cute :D
i just read my old blog and realised how easily happy i could get last time, for e.g eating a lollipop made me happy HAHAHA. OHYEABOOOOM. so i was thinking, i can always be as happy as i was or even happier, so why should i be sad/angry/disappointed/jealous or whatever shitz.

but i think i today happy til i look so gile ah, like smile smile at everything and every tinysmiled at anyone HEHE.


whenever you're down, LOOK UP :D because that's why hope lies, in the stars, in the moon, in our God :D

WE ALL JUST WANNA BE HAPPY IN LIFE DON'T WE. or let's say being happy is being successful :D I AM SUCCESSFULDREA. HAHAHA. time to train my LoL AND KICK SOME BOTS Y0zZzZzZ HAHA.

there are so many things i wanna do, but i can't do it alone just because i'm scared of idk what. hahaha loserdrea. hahaha. i reallyreally2 wanna go and feed the poor dog but i'm scared to go alone! :( then korkor dowan to accompany me somemore :(2 and i wanna go help people also but i don't dare go alone again zzzzz.

and i feel so ugly today :( because i pinned up my hair and everything, i feel free this way just that i feel so ugly :(

and i reallyreally thank God for dear friends. and like the quote says,
"Friends is God's way of taking care of us." :D

i'm so glad. no one was there for me when i needed them. and it's better this way, just so i won't get too attached. and i really love long bus rides, because i can as much as i want to, without anyone caring :D haha. and i think i'll just accept being your angels because no matter what i do/feel, no one will ever treat me as important as i treat them. and i'm trying to live with that fact now, so i won't get hurt anymore. and the thing is i'm selfish, i just want the people i'm close to treat me as most important, but life doesn't go our way doesn't it. seems like i'm really fated to have no friends. just so i won't get hurt. and i'm gonna start this by being cold to everyone. or at least try hahahhaha.

i have a friend, she's close to perfect, she's like an angel and i bet everyone wants to know her, cos she's innocent, pretty, cute. and people like her are why i can never be secure. that's why i can never believe anyone likes me. i'm just so close to nothing.