(i think i've found that someone)

actually, i think i'm scared of losing you more than you losing me. what if one day you start finding me overly sensitive or overly jealous and stuff like that? and worst of all, find me always so insecure. i'm sorry. hehehehe. i think i'm so lucky to have you, because you will even restrict yourself from looking at other girls or finding them cute and stuff. hehe. i'm so lucky because you're loyal(i hope you mean it).

oh and just so you know, i can hurt myself but YOU CAN'T HURT YOURSELF cos i care about you more than you care about me, i think that's a sad truth sigh. and we're actually gonna be stuck to each other FOR LIFE because we know each other too well alr, and told each other stuff we won't tell any other being(okay maybe my dog or smth, NAH JK hehe)

oh ya, this is weird but... i like hearing your heartbeat. hehe.

i love my little bear, tho you're still skinny, i still like your hugs alot, and i like hugging you too, but i prefer being hugged by you hehe. i feel protected :-p ahaha. so you must always hug me whenever and anytime okay? cos i will always want your hug :-D and i do get happy when we hold hands too, and it's alright for you to feel that it's weird for you to feel happy when it's holding hands cause that's the point of holding hands. ahahaha. and thanks for giving me my first even tho i was scared to give you back one! ahahahaha. thankyou for loving me :") ♥ i love you babe ahahahaha. and i will be loyal to you also lah, don't worry cos you my gayboyyy and no one can replace youuuu AHAHA. aku sayang kau! ♥♥♥♥♥

just "leave me alone"

no one really cares if i hurt, they're just gonna worry if i'm still gonna care about them, they just worry about the care i'm gonna give them. because we're all selfish like that. or some, we're just curious about how much others hurt. we're just curious and not really concerned.

now i've locked my blog, i'm sure no one will feel guility anymore or even you will not say she gives me attention just because i blog sad stuff to get attention/sympathy from people. now i've locked it, i hope you're happy. i have to suffer everything alone, i hope you're happy. i alr tweet my sad stuff on a secret acc and that's not enough, yes now i'm suffering alone, all by myself, i hope you're happy.

i hope everyone is happy while i'm hurting alone because i'm not allowed to tweet whatever i want, blog whatever i want. oh and don't worry, i won't show my sadness in school so don't worry about me getting attention. i won't steal your happiness like you stole my rights of freedom of speech.

everyone leaves me someday, for someone better. and i know i'm not good enough, so i won't be mad at you for choosing to leave me. anyway i rather you leave me now before you really become a part of me. this hurts now. but heh, i'll be alright eventually. and if you really leave because i told you to, i guess that's good tho i wished you stayed no matter how much i pushed you away. ha ha not that you even bother anyway, you never bother to ask about my blog or how i'm feeling. you just want to know where you stand in my life so you can decide when you can leave.

sinking ship

i'm so lost. i don't know what to do anymore. i took initiative today, i said later i go find you kay, then you said no cos you're sick. then i thought if you dowan then maybe i should respect your decision. but then i thought i would want you to do the same for me, so i told you again i'll pass by your mrt in case you change your mind. then i decided i should just be happy cos i did try. but it just hurts when i reply so nicely then you just reply haha yeah and stuff like that. i'm so lost when i don't know what you're feeling. i don't know where i stand in your life. i don't know anything about me when it comes to you. it could even be you care for me as a friend only :') i'm always never important, i guess. i'm this fucking insignificant being.

my heart aches yet i still don't know what to do. you don't tell me your feelings, so i guess i can't tell you mine. maybe your hurt was fake to make me stay. i don't know. why do i hurt so many times while you don't hurt at all. i care too much. i need to let go cos it hurts too much.

andrea the atom 2

today i just felt invisible again or something or just left out or something ahahaha. it's okay, i can handle it, i believe i can. so norita saw me walking alone at the back, she came to me and held my arm, but i guess i couldn't take it so i shoved her away. that was mean. but i'm sorry :'( when i walked behind them, i really felt fine, then norita asked "are you having a tough time?" then i guess it poked my bubble of fakeness. so on the train i guess i couldn't hold back the tears but then again it wasn't that bad, i guess i'm just that strong.

then i thought maybe you would be there like ask me out or smth but i guess you dunno anything about my feelings then. and i did something to make you not happy again and there it goes, breaking my strong wall. i know i can't tell you i'm sad so you wouldn't attack me even if i was already on the verge of breaking down. i had to take responsibility for my actions, i rather you tell me you're hurt now i guess than to protect my feelings. i'll get over it soon enough :')



this is soooo true, it doesn't mean if we don't cut, we don't hurt and if we don't cut deep enough, it doesn't mean we don't hurt like those with scars.

i really can't do it on my own

i feel like shit. i feel so bloody worthless. i feel like i'm nothing much. i think you can get over me so easily, i can never make anyone so sad cos i made them insecure, i never had the power to hurt anyone cos no one even will be that hurt by me, because i'm that worthless. when i finally felt like i mean something, the fact is that i'm still not that treasurable to hurt anyone. not even my best friend. everyone's better than me in everything. i'm a fricking wall to my clique friends. i'm just nothing. and all i can do is hurt myself all day. i'm just a huge mass of sadness. someone, please save me from me. i'm sorry for being me. my heart hurts hella lots and i just can't tell anyone because i blog or tweet will lead to people saying i'm aa, purposely put on display for all to see. they think i can handle it on my own. i hope i can too :'(

andrea the atom

jerrold was angry at me for blocking his face but ahahahaha, he was moving not my fault AHAHAHA. MEANIE DREA. but really sorry jerrold ahahaha. but you know i was sad for a few minutes cos i thought jerrold angry with me cos he ignore me cos he has never gotten angry at me(not that i remember > <) BUT HE WAS ACTING AHAHA. 

jerrold didn't manage to squeeze in AHAHAHA. but at least like 40% of his specs was in :-P NICE TRY THO AHAHA

sigh everytime i pass by someone who uses the the same cologne as him, i just remember him. ahahaha. no it's not that i like him. he's by far the only guy i knew who knew when i was sad when i pretended to be happy and i really appreciate that because sometimes all i need is for someone to know what i truly feel and tell me that he/she knows i'm not alright y'know. :")

oh and we totally spammed each other's instagrams by liking all photos or rather most photos(if there were too many) ahahahaha. it was funny cos we were exposing each other's zilians and making each other feel shy AHAHAHA funny times :-p

yeah and there are just so many times i just feel like i'm just there. like really. and it makes me sad. i feel that so many times, the sentence below speaks it all like REALLLYYY. AHAHA.

hee jingshen used my phone to tweet "Retweet if you think i'm pretty" and i dunno why i just feel really sad because i feel paiseh and i think i'm gonna get judged for that tweet but idkidk. and i just feel like crying because my pl friends are so sweet to me, idk man i love them :") and ofcos jerrold leon heejingshen also very nice to rt lah hor :") thankyou. 

dawn, jamie and bao! :")

ahahahha this is the only pic i think is nice cos that time i had to wear some stupid teeth separator which made my speech weird and my smile extra weird and make me uglier than i am. AHAHAA. 

i'm sorry but these are my secondary sch memories and now i'm reminded of them because they're so nice to me when i'm feeling sad about this rt if i'm pretty shit. hehehe. thankyouuuuuuuu :-D

this is for you, my bear. ahahaha. i always believe you are smart, because you got a higher GPA than me. hehe. and i know you are smart, you just don't want to study. but the thing i heard from you is you from NA go express, my impression of you just went *thumbs up* because i always believe people put in effort to make that jump. that's why i sad when you say you didn't put in effort because i like hardworking boys, but you denied it :-( but i still believe you're smart, you might even be like michael scolfied hehehe :-P

i also appreciate all the small things, like you remembering stuffs like my birthday and stuffs but i realised you just happen to remember small stuffs so i guess it became something not to be happy about cos it was normal i guess. 

ahahahaaha you know i also jealous very easy, last time i also jealous when my x hanged out so much with his cousin, like veryyyy ahahaa. so when you say that i abit jealous but i know you need your own life :-) and you know something, if you work hard for something, you'll eventually get it. and never is too much of a good thing is bad, let's say too much happiness is bad? naah. it's good :-) even tho we have different Gods but we know our Gods only give us good stuff so definitely too much of good stuff is not bad kay :-) ahahaha anyway i don't get what you should do. ahaha. AND WHY MAKE YOURSELF HAVE BAD DREAM? ahaha. 

*important* you promised me that we'll tell each other anything and everything, so you gotta tell me what you think is frightening. and please don't feel insecure okay, because no matter how close i am to other boys (as in physical), i remember to be loyal to you only. hehehe. 

CLASH OF CLANS BOOM BOOM

ahahahaha i just attacked many people today so when i wake up tmr i think i'm gonna get alot of invasions but it's okay, i spent alot of time on this game today and i think my defense not strong enough lah sigh :-( hahahaha. then i accidentally attacked someone who had a clan, and the little clan men kept attacking me so quickly i died :-( THE POWER OF A CLAN IS EVILLLLL AHAHA no lah. can't wait to have a clan then little clan men attack my invaders then they'll be like omgomg and scared that they won't ever attack me again. AHAHAH. EVIL DREA >:-) TEEHEE! ^^

ANYWAY i started putting this hair tonic on my front of my head which is like fringe area because apparently i have little and thin hair which makes it look like i'm balding which i'm sad about. and my mummy told me it works because rohanna or smth used it on her poofy hair then it became more poofy. so get ready to see a poofy andrea or even worse a spoofy andrea >:-) AHAHAHAA kayyyyy. :-) CYA

I DON'T CARE AHAHAHA. NO ONE WILL BE JEALOUS KAY. DON'T WORRY. HEHE. i'm so sorry for everything cos i don't know how to make you happy and stuff. i'm so sorry i'm so insecure all the time but thanks for reassurance i guess. HEHE. kkay i enjoyed today so i hope you enjoyed your day too kay. ★

don't forget to remember.

i have a strong liking to those who takes long to get over people or their loss of anything. it makes me feel like they can't afford to lose people they hold dear to. it makes me feel that they ain't going to throw one away easily and find another one to replace or whatever. while those who move on so easily makes me feel like they've never really cherished relationships with people. they make me feel like if they ever lost me, like i meant nothing at all. so i do choose people who i want to be close with, but ofcos i do make mistakes and choose the wrong people too. AHAHAH random!!!! :-P

stayover at eunice's

i'm tired from work and i'm gonna have a break of a week before sch starts (YAY!!) hehe. anyway ytd had sleepover at eunice's and nothing much i guess. but total week was like kids overload ahahahaha. gerald is a crying handsome cute baby and an aunty said he look like me or we look alike idk and i feel happy hehehehe.

i'm sorry if i'm annoying. and i'm sorry for feeling the way i do, for being annoying at times. i don't know but it's just me. i'm sorry :-( but today was punny and i liked it and i actually do care if i annoy people :-(

I LOVE TRIANGULAR BUBBLES

THIS IS MEEEEEE AHAHAHA.





HAHAHAHA SORRY I GOT MANYMANY PHOTOS I JUST FEEL LIKE POSTING K BYE

APRIL'S FOOL!!!! ALOHA!!!!! HAHAHAHA.
eunice just sent me a cute picture of declann that she helped me take and i can't even say how cute this boy is and how anyone else can be as cute as him omg omg ahahaha. cutie pies. no not pies, i don't wanna eat them. cutie boys!!!!!! i like boys!!!! HAHAHAHA. BYEEEEEEE