the winner takes it all, the loser standing small.

today i was really sad or hurt or angry i'm not sure either, but my eyes were teary and kept telling myself not to tear in public. then suddenly on the way back home, this baby was like reaching for my jacket and kept wanting to touch it, and he was sooooo cute i promise, super cuteee. then i told myself that i'm gonna stay happy, at least for today. hehe. but before that, i went bugis to shop shop awhile and i bought like 3 mickeymouse items and it's soooooo cute i'm happy too hehehehe. and bugis was like nothing much cause i didn't see much things i like. anyway i did buy two skirts cause they were sooo cheap like 2 for $10 AHAHA. cheapodrea.

bitesize

today i finished watching prison break and i'm so happy i finished it ahahaha. but i don't like the ending cause it's so sad :(((( i dowan michael scolfied to die lah x( but a happy ending for all would be all too predictive afterall so i guess it's alright hehe. oh but i liked how he said that there will be another michael scolfield running around AHAHA.

anyway this morning/last night, i dreamt that i was cuddling you to sleep ahaha. that's all i remember but i told myself that i really liked that dream ahahahaha.

then two papers down already, but anyway i didn't study sooo hard for the papers that's why my results won't be too good either sigh. now i'm in the laziest mood for netp so i do need alllllll the luck in the world. ahahaha.



AHAHAHA HE SO CUTE HERE



OHOH AND I ALSO LIKE THEIR BROTHERHOOD, like they always know they've got each others' backs all the time x)

ahahaha and i also delete my instagram today, i got too many reasons(not many just a few actually) HAHA. okay byebye

Worth

Maybe my worth is that I'm worth hurting. That's just how much I'm worth because that's the easiest way out. Hurt me. If anyone was to choose someone or something, it would never be me. I'm just that worth hurting because I'm not worth enough to keep.

Maybe that's alright, because that's something to be worthy about. Rather than just worthy of nothing.

Maybe people just want or love me because of the care and attention I give them. Maybe because they're in my life, they can make me do whatever they want. Because I'll do it even if it hurts me just to see them happier. Maybe one day someone will do the same for me, maybe one day will never come.

Until the day comes or not, I'll continue to bear all this hurt. Because my hurt isn't worth anyone's care. I'm just not worthy enough. This is my worth.

Jumping jack

Today (or rather ytd), we went to meet each other. Apparently I was hurt by him cos he tried to do a surprise hahaha. And when he met me I was still hurt but he gave me a kiss the moment he saw me and that made it better already. Hehe.

Then I was being a little cold because I was still mad at him for making me hurt but I'm alright now :)) now we're back to normal and I'm so glad x)

Oh then we went to play at science center,  to be exact, the kinetic park where it was free because science center is closed and the best thing I did there was jumping on the trampoline. It made me so damn happy cause I was laughing so much and him jumping with me too ahahahaha. And then there were many other things too and I talked to an indonesian kid where his name was tommy through the sound disc. Hehe. And he got my name wrong by saying angela l o l.

Anw today is our first official month anniversary and I'm glad we resolved our fights before this day. But apparently I'm not meeting him for this day but anyway we still have many more months to celebrate this anniversaries yay. Love you my cute little boy. ♥

skyfall

today is just one of the nights i start feeling more insecure than usual. i see pictures of pretty girls or cute girls and i'm just there, the average girl. i don't know why anyone would like me for me because i know there's so many better ones out there. i can't stop feeling scared of losing you just because i'm not better than them, prettier than them, cuter than them or even treat you better than i do.

i'm scared of all the little things like even the likes on instagram, the comments and everything. like if she got many likes, i'll lose you cos she's pretty and stuff. i don't know. i hate feeling this way so much just because it always hurts. knowing i'm not the better one, nor the pretty one, nor the cute one. i wish i could be like those girls who had higher self esteem where they just know they're good enough for anyone without feeling insecure. i always envy those kind of girls because they don't need to face thoughts like this, they can be strong like that, and boys will always chase after them. i'm sorry i'm always so insecure :'(

xx

I'll always love this boy of mine no matter how much he hurts me. Hehe. I love him so much. Just walking beside him makes me feel happy hehe I bet he doesn't know that. And not smelling his smell makes me miss him more and I just want to be with him always. The moment of saying bye to him always kills me a little but I know I'll see him soon.

I'll never want to hurt him. But I always happen to do the wrong things at the wrong time and everytime I make him hurt, I wish I could undo that action to make him happy again. Maybe leaving me was easy for him but it'll never be easy for me to leave him.

Oh and i'm supposed to tell you when i'm sad right? I'm sad when i feel like you wanna leave me and when you ask me to leave you. It hurts so bad hahaa. And because i wanna be there for you always, so i wanna travel all the way for you in case you needed me but you never did. So maybe all along i needed you but you never needed me right? Haha. Be happy azri :)

the taste of life, isn't sweet.

 

fast internet makes me happy! :D hehehe. my daddy just configured a new wireless and it's super speedy and it makes me excited to see things load so fast hehe.

anyway i had a dream of everyone in school ahaha! i think we were like water rafting or something as a class, i only rmb terence(the main lead in my dream lol), the girls and me ahaha. then we thought terence drowned or something and found his bag etc, and then he suddenly awwed at our concern for him, which means he's alive then we continued with our journey ahahaha. 

i'm sorry i'm not perfect for you, nor good for you or anyone. i can finally convince myself that no one will truly love me, but for the feeling of being in love. i've changed but sometimes(actually most of the time), it's just not enough, some people just want it all. and my thought now is because i have to keep changing for you, means you don't love me enough to change for me. i get it now, i really do. :)

mencintaimu

today someone merajuk because i said he take paper from someone and laughed and ignored me and sat away from me because he says 'ya go and find someone who got paper'. #ishouldfindapaperman #orishouldbuyhimsomepaper HAHAHAHA. klah, i love you manymany *hug*  '-O-' <- look, it's a hugging man. ahahaha. it's hugging upwards btw if you can't see it. #hashtagsarefunny #huhu #hyukhyuk

hiiii, it's pretty cool how you can jump 240cm for standing broad jump while i can only do 170cm. that's like 70cm difference sigh. but it's okay, that shows you're pretty awesome AHAHA. and thankyou for coming down to kembangan the past week and ytd, hehe. love you.

oh and today an insect bumped into me and flew to the small tree beside and i went to find that huge insect then ended up got some random guy in a car slow down looking, (i think he think i was asking for help or mentally unstable cos i'm staring at a tree) AHAHA. but heyyyy, so cool right the insect bump into my shoulder, must be wanna say hi to me HEHE.

and it's not i want to hurt you or make you jealous or anything, it's just, i have no other real friends except for them. and i don't want people saying i abandon old friends for new friends or even saying i got boyfriend then don't care about anyone else. sigh. i don't know how to explain this but i really don't want you to be unhappy. :(

dum dum

hi my flower boy AHAHA. flower boy because you're gay HAHA. xD anyway sorry for feeling insecure for nonsense like you not layaning me and stuffs. and sorry for not knowing the right words to say when you're upset or unhappy. sigh. but nevermind, i still love you. ahahaha. i'm gonna go for tchoukball trainings so i'll have lesser time to spend with you, but i guess that's okay with me cos we still see each other in sch hehe. and also saturdays x) this x as eyes quite cute ah. i like this xD xD TEEHEEE

ps; i still feel bad for you sending me to sch then you walk home x(

i shouldn't be getting upset over this matter cos it isn't supposed to matter to me since the day i don't want it to matter which would probably means a year ++. i don't wanna think about it anymore, this feeling just sucks. i wish i could just pretend i don't know a shit. but hell. ahahahahaha. maybe there's just a fucking big problem with my personality or something. i hate myself.

but even if there's something wrong with me, i don't believe you all actually have the heart to do this. i won't call yall bitches cos i know you're all good girls i don't wanna talk about it anymore k bye. ahahahaha. just a reminder for me for what they did: post on instagram photos of them having an outing. all 4 of them posted (:

don't worry, i'm fine all by myself. and i know i need to understand this. because hy left, then you 3 was always stuck between her and me. ahahaha. i get it. now it's my turn to leave. good luck guys. thanks for all this superficial love and friendship. maybe this was the reason hy left, i just wish i knew better, earlier.

and this pic, i remember jiashyuan wanted her to let go of me. i was fine at that time ahahahaha. but jiashyuan knew something was up between her and me so i guess she wanted to protect me from her. and the thing is i didn't badmouth, js just asked me about things between her and me. she knew. ahahahaha. thank God for friends like that. now i'm really fine alr :)

(mickey and minnie is m&m btw. ahahahahaha.)

sorry for not updating for so long, i didn't use my com for a few days cos i was tired from everyday things. anyway, just wanna say i love you. heheheh. thankyou for caring for me, being sweet to me and everything. thankyou for hugging me when i'm sad hehe. actually i like your hugs all the time. and i'm sorry for always feeling like you don't care or you don't hurt. it's really not cos i don't appreciate you know, it's just i feel too worthless to be cared for, then i scared i become someone who like think everyone cares for her. so yeah, i'm sorry for not thinking you care and stuff, and i really feel like crying when you try to show me that you hurt that's why i stop you from punching etc.

i like hugging you the most because for that few moments, i just feel protected by you and like i don't wanna lose you. (unless you thinking of other stuffs or girls while hugging me). ahahaha. but thanks for always thinking about me before you do anything. i also never go looklook at guys alr, except ytd, because i misunderstood that you being interested in someone else is nth. like if i see guy faces, i quickly look away, except like classmate and teachers(cos i pay attention duh). oh, and i won't ever be tired of you because i sort of need you like anytime i got happy or sad stuff to share. and i always want you to be the first to know my life. and i need you so why would i ever be tired of you? hehe.

btw, when you randomly say "i love you", i really heart melt, ahahahaha. especially when we fighting/upset with each other, you just say then all of a sudden, i just give in alr. stupid boy know the way to melt me AHAHAHA. kay i love you. ♥

and our promises to each other, that we won't ever leave or unlike each other. hehe.