i wish christmas could be like a whole month, except for the song part. just the lights part. a mere 12 days or smth isn't enough for me to go around admiring pretty lights which i don't mind walking all around for hours even if i'm tired, just to look at them. because they're just so comforting i guess :")

hahahaha and i just rmbed i "caught" a lightbulb on a christmas tree pretending it was a firefly to amaze korkor in bali but he just said 'okay' HAHAHA nvm, i amused myself and a fellow guy who saw me doing it. hahahahaha. yeah maybe that's the life a loner lives :p hehe.

BUDDEN IN BALi, I REALLY SAW A FIREFLY. just one! and when i went to try to catch it, it flew far away :( but idk, it's like a little miracle. hehe.

and in one of the days in bali, i went water rafting and it was SUPER fun. hehe. one family in one boat and there was many of families there so we played water at each other SO FUNNY HAHAHA. and being andrea, i wanted to use my helmet to block them so i look like a rhino or smth and one family splashed at me. IT WAS FUNNYILY FUN HEHE.

left out like always. cos i found out. but it's okay! I SHALL BE HAPPY. actually no. a part of me died alr. AH NVM. I HAPPY LAH HAHAHAHA.

OHHH and i finished a book within 2 nights and an afternoon hehe :D THE FAULT IN OUR STARS. hahahah got the words stars inside but the book is veryvery nice cos i seldom read books i guess hehe. but inside got a scene that they ehem, thats the part i dislike the most, otherwise i really like the rest :D then i tried to read a book again today, but i fell asleep.... HAHA. okayyyyyy :D

SHOOT AGAIN YO.

"First off, I look for a woman with a great personality over anything else. I would want a woman that I can be completely honest with and that I would trust with my life. I want someone who understands the real me and can tell when something is wrong, and that will do whatever it takes to make me smile. But most of all I want someone that will stay in my life; someone that won’t just give up on us when things get tough." - christ-is-lord

THIS IS WHAT I WANT TOO HAHA.

 anyway, i just realised i take friends too seriously, like i should be like 'they come and go.' but i dunno why i just have to take possession of my friends too, i'm too selfish uh :( if normal friends/acquaintances, i don't care if they go out with other people or whatever, but if you're someone who i regard as close friend/good friend. i certainly will feel jealous one. sigh, even with girls luh. that's why uh i selfishhhhh. i want all my friends i truly care for :( PMSING NOW SORRY :( I SUDDENLY MISS MANY THINGS WHICH IS TERRIBLY UNLIKE MY UNPMS PERIOD HAHA. and my memories are gone, maybe cos i've thought the memories too many times, or the memories has hurt me so much that i forgot everything. but somehow i rmb me crying many times, because a dear friend cried for idk, because a dear friend was feeling sad, because a dear friend got scolded, because i feel left out by my dear friends. and this is all sec sch memories. maybe that's why i somehow feel it's all happening again even thou i forgot why. HAHA.

ANYWAY I'M GOING BALI FOR 9 DAYS SO YEAH, GOOD GETAWAY FROM EVERYTHING I GUESS HEHE. OKAY NOT HEHE. I FEEL SAD BUT I DUNNO WHY. ACTUALLY I KNOW WHY. IT'S COS I MISS THINGS OR WILL MISS PEOPLE BUT HAHA. I SHOULD SHUT DOWN!

now i know why i wanna be nurse alr, it's cos i wanna take care of everyone! making sure everyone is happy and healthy! and if i become a nurse, if anyone sick, i know how to help them, to get better. and if possible i can even find a cure for all these diseases. and even if i can't i can pray for those i know who are sick, that God will heal them miraculously like he did before. :D hahahaha. i wanna take care of all my friends too, i want to make them happy. and because i don't know the right words, i will try to show it in action!



but the thing i'm afraid of is to always take the first step, i don't want to always be the one asking, i feel like i talk too much because i wanna keep the convo going. and i have the urge to stop talking because i feel i probably care too much for the friendship again. hahahaha. okay can andrea. you are strong, andrea. you are happy, andrea :D


i know i'm God's creation and i'm not supposed to feel this way, but i guess i'm just not that close to God to the point where i feel 'perfect' or the point where my self esteem isn't low. i tend to think too much of little things and i know people might get tired of me, like YOU. and when i overthink, you think i want ahh HUHHH HAHA. i just can't control ah. and i know when i overthink, no one understands me and get annoyed with me. and that's probably why i like being alone because if i have no one, i'll be happier than having a friend who doesn't care. :(

i'm sorry little bloggie, i'm really trying to be happy but i can't. i'll get through this soon k.
so let's say, i cried because i don't fucking care yea?

and everytime i finish crying, i always look at myself in the mirror and i can feel myself getting cold. and for the next few days, i can feel nothing but happiness. i won't be able to feel sad. because i felt myself being stronger. and my heart was saying "nothing can hurt you." because i remember the pain i felt while crying for who knows how long, so my heart shuts down for that few days. then after that few days, i forgot about the pain and i can feel sadness again and starts tearing again. so if i tell you i'm stonehearted, it means i actually cried a few days back. i know this sounds make up but up to you to believe (:

telling everyone i'm always happy even when i'm on the verge of tears.
okay.

HAHAHAHA so cute :D
i just read my old blog and realised how easily happy i could get last time, for e.g eating a lollipop made me happy HAHAHA. OHYEABOOOOM. so i was thinking, i can always be as happy as i was or even happier, so why should i be sad/angry/disappointed/jealous or whatever shitz.

but i think i today happy til i look so gile ah, like smile smile at everything and every tinysmiled at anyone HEHE.


whenever you're down, LOOK UP :D because that's why hope lies, in the stars, in the moon, in our God :D

WE ALL JUST WANNA BE HAPPY IN LIFE DON'T WE. or let's say being happy is being successful :D I AM SUCCESSFULDREA. HAHAHA. time to train my LoL AND KICK SOME BOTS Y0zZzZzZ HAHA.

there are so many things i wanna do, but i can't do it alone just because i'm scared of idk what. hahaha loserdrea. hahaha. i reallyreally2 wanna go and feed the poor dog but i'm scared to go alone! :( then korkor dowan to accompany me somemore :(2 and i wanna go help people also but i don't dare go alone again zzzzz.

and i feel so ugly today :( because i pinned up my hair and everything, i feel free this way just that i feel so ugly :(

and i reallyreally thank God for dear friends. and like the quote says,
"Friends is God's way of taking care of us." :D

i'm so glad. no one was there for me when i needed them. and it's better this way, just so i won't get too attached. and i really love long bus rides, because i can as much as i want to, without anyone caring :D haha. and i think i'll just accept being your angels because no matter what i do/feel, no one will ever treat me as important as i treat them. and i'm trying to live with that fact now, so i won't get hurt anymore. and the thing is i'm selfish, i just want the people i'm close to treat me as most important, but life doesn't go our way doesn't it. seems like i'm really fated to have no friends. just so i won't get hurt. and i'm gonna start this by being cold to everyone. or at least try hahahhaha.

i have a friend, she's close to perfect, she's like an angel and i bet everyone wants to know her, cos she's innocent, pretty, cute. and people like her are why i can never be secure. that's why i can never believe anyone likes me. i'm just so close to nothing.

fucking hurt, for caring too much. shouldn't have taken friends too seriously. fuck.

why do i shed tears for those who treat me like i'm inexistent, like i'm invisible. i mean nothing and that hurts like fuck la. why the heck i care so much for those who probably can't give a fuck about me. stupid andrea is forever bloodyhell stupid. hate hate hate. why do i have to pretend i don't care, like i don't mind, like it doesn't hurt. fuck man.

and it just totally hurts when i see my friends fighting/cold war/dislike each other. but since i'm nothing to them, i really shouldn't give a fuck..... i'm on the verge of just bursting. i'm about to reach my limit. i'm afraid to just breakdown anytime cos it just hurt that much. to be nothing to people you care. getting left out. not cool at all. and don't question me why i push people away, it's because of experiences like this...

one less friend, one less care. moral of the story: be alone.

they all think it's okay to insult, hurt me because they think i don't care. they think i don't have feelings just because i don't want to show that i care, to show that i'm actually hurting.

i just thought friends were friends and they weren't close enough to hurt me but today... something went wrong, maybe it's my pms but, it wasn't right. i felt so useless when a and b were angry at c and i was there, not supposed to forgive c even thou i don't blame c in the first place. and when they were angry, i couldn't do anything and all i could do was watch and feel my heart ache. i don't know what to do. i don't want to lose either of them. then c didn't want to apologise anymore because c was over apologizing. then those tears blurred my vision. then yeah, my vision was clearer because i knew they were all important to me, more important then i thought them to be. :'(

today is a bad day, really. even tonight's drama had a sad ending. and it's the rainy season. yeah now it all makes sense. november probably is the month where the rain seeps through our head and makes us think and think and make us as gloomy as it.

BUT IT'S OKAY. ANDREA THE STAR WILL SHINE THROUGH THE GLOOMINESS AND EVERYONE SHALL SEE THE LIGHT HEHE.

i remember in pri sch, i always wanted to be a nurse, so i can help people and make them smile. then in sec sch, i wanted to be a psychiatrist cos it was so cool, knowing who's lying by their body behaviour. hahaha. so i think when i go uni, i'm gonna be a nurse! :p even though i will waste a year in uni but i'm kinda determined to follow my young dream to save people's lives and yeah, i want to be able to be there for the patients and talk to them and make them happy and also not feel alone :D hehe.



i think down the road, i'm gonna fall in love with the way people fight for their lives, the way people care for their loved ones. i'm gonna fall in love with the little things. i'm gonna fall in love with the way their eyes meet. and then my life shall be a meaningful one (:

today i got insulted again, of being called act cute for the xxxth time and gr. i'm pmsing la! super sensitive la :( so i tried listening to music, and was happy then suddenly i listen to a sad song and one memory popped up in my head and a few seconds later, i teared and i was shocked at myself. so ofcos i had to go out and make myself presentable and not let anyone realise i was tearing. ahahaa. retardedrea. and the memory was when i rmbed my pokemaster 'lecture' my friend when she hurt me when my pokemaster was supposed to be her bro which means he shld care for her more. but i really wasn't aware that he did that til my friend told me why they/she was avoiding me and stuffs. and i was thinking, i miss those days. that's why i started tearing and i think azri saw my face :( but after that, i forgot what happened(i think) so i happy alr ^^ :D

but i must thank God that today was a good day overall (:

my little sunshine

today i just felt sooooo used. but i was happy after that because i din't think about it anymore and yes i said the f word not for fun but because i really meant it and it was all built up. like i felt like an object, always used, insulted like i have no feelings. it's really not nice being used AT ALL. but i guess that's life. and i still have to take life even less seriously.

and there was a moment where i guess it was fated to brighten up my whole day, where our eyes met and i think i became crazy after that where i was so super nonsensical and adhd and stuffs. hahaha. but actually i think i was hyper cos like rainbow after the storm ah ^^ hehehe.

and yeah, there's this little andrea in who wants to hug this boy not because i like him but because i feel that he's so super sincere idk why. but this is the first time i want to hug someone which is pretty rare which means he must be really sincere. and so, i came up with this little theory where sincerity is the first step to get to someone's heart ^^

hm and yeah! today some peeps saw my polaroid i took of myself for identification and i felt so damn insecure and ugly and shitty. the more they look, the more self-conscious i get. and so, i just threw away my face in the bin. now i feel a whole lot better. :") it's like my insecurity went into the bin. and sometimes i can't stand looking at myself in the mirror, wishing i could be a more beautiful person with a beautiful face but i'm still holding on to the big fat hope that one day my little prince would make me feel as beautiful and accept me for who i am, making my life a whole lot more colourful. and ofcause i also hope that he will see me as the only beautiful one even thou i may not be the prettiest face, cutest, funniest girl around.

CAN YOU BE MINE ALREADY.
i get so upset thinking about you because almost everyone has told me it's impossible. but you, just keeping talking to me, being sweet to me, i can't even stop myself from falling deeper you know?

The most painful thing to see is when tears roll down someone’s face and they’re completely silent.

today is just one of the days that i don't feel good about myself. let's start from the beginning, i wore contacts to school and someone asked 'you cut your hair ah, you look different.' then i feel like shit, like is it cos i look really bad and yeah some people agreed that i look bad cos of my eyebags. and ofcos i feel like very low self esteem. and some had to agree that i look shag and had no nice comments at alllllllll but it's okay. i'm really trying to be happy at all time, don't let anyone worry about me. i want to just keep the sadness to myself. and ofcos i don't expect anyone to read this so i can hide everything. i'm so sick and tired of feeling inferior, feeling unwanted, feeling like shit.


hahahahahahaha this is soooooo funny and cute.



HAHAHA I JUST BATHED FINISH AND *TINGTING*
i realised if i want everyone to be happy, i must be a damn good example and show people how i can be happy ALL THE TIME. SO I MUST BE HAPPY ALL THE TIME NO MATTER WHAT.

i'll be that happy girl with the happy aura soon ;) JUST YOU ALL WAITTTTTTTTT, HAPPINESS. WILL. CONQUER. YOUUUUUUUUUUU.

and i want to thank the girls for trying not to make me feel ugly or insecure or what , thankyou :") hahahaha. esp adrianti, she say i look like a princess in her dream. maybe that's a lie but hahaha :) and shaz also try to comfort me by saying guys have no taste, cos they say i look worse without specs. hahahahaha. THANKYOU LOVEYOU <3

HAPPYELMOANDREA :D

today is andrea's day and andrea is kinda happy but it feels like any other normal day ah. but still i appreciate everyone that remembers my birthday :D total only 19 who sent by sms/wa and a few by fb/twitter (i removed my bday on fb, SHHHH) hahaha. and even dezmand, who i never talked to since we didn't learn drums tgt anymore, and that was 2 years ago? ahaha. so glad! but i also remember his ah :D haha. and a few others that i really appreciate, esp my crush and the two j's. i was happy to receive my crush's hpd greeting(?) when i planned on forgetting him cos i scared i like him too much. so i was happy til i almost teared, but then came along your msg, where i really teared ah. i was really happy that you remembered our date to catchup and all.

i caught a movie with joanna and she kinda didn't rmb my birthday and she was late for our movie date so i felt really sad but after she realised it was my birthday she felt bad and said sorry so i sorta okay alr :) haha.

then dinner with joanna + fel + fed @ astons and fed didn't really talk much today ah, i think he emo2 but i can't do anything :( haha. then went to church and it was as per normal but the best part i liked about tonight was that i said to aunty happy birthday then went to tell her she got same birthday as me. so uncle heard and say 'ohya, she same bday'. and wished me hbd :D and their smiles were reallyreally big so i felt reallyreally happy :D haha. eh j, i think your parents really very cute ah :D and i got to know them through you, which i am glad to have you in my life too :D

THIS IS SO AMAZING AND THIS IS AT MALDIVES. IT LOOKS SO NJLQCLNREJLBERNGE GOSH. ahahahaha. sorry, my ultimate fetish for stars and any glitter or crap. hahahaha.

anyway i'm sosososo scared of liking my crush more than a crush which isn't supposed to happen because WE ARE THAT CLOSE TO IMPOSSIBLE. geezzzz. and it's gonna be dangerous if i really do like and shitty shit will shit more shit which is shitty. hahahaha.

and yesss i got keep all of you in my mind, for your peace of mind when doing o's. i hope the little peace got into that heart of yours and gave you peace :D hehe.

this song is just so boomz and it has the right words for encouragement, so yeah :D PLEASE BE ENCOURAGELY ENCOURAGED. :D

and i realised i haven't posted photos of myself in a while ah teeheeeez :D

this is the time to give your all to God.

HERE I AM WISHING EVERYONE TAKING THEIR O'S LEVELS GOODLUCK AND AS LONG AS YOU DID YOUR BEST, GOD WILL DO THE REST!

i tweeted 'do your best and God will do the rest and don't expect to get good results if you didn't put in the effort.' and apparently my friend said i was brutal, but that's the damn truth. you can't expect me to say 'oh you're gonna do fine' if you didn't study or put in the effort. and when the results come out, you just say 'i wish i had studied harder.' and if i'm not brutal here, they probably won't realise the importance of studying, and just hoping they get good results based on luck. so i hope by my brutalness, some will actually go and study PLEASE! don't fail your parents and do them proud. i'm sure you want your future kids to make you proud of their results too :")

and for those i've been ALWAYS praying for, i really really really really truly hope that you guys will do well, and i kinda have a good feeling because i know you guys have really put in alot of effort to study, like almost everyday yall will study and you guys will be proud of your results, and feel that all the studying is all worth it. and definitely, i know my prayers won't be wasted, and my hopes for you guys will be sky high so yeah. don't forget this little existence of mine is supporting you guys always. and i hope to see your smiles that will brighten my day when you guys receive your results :)

please always remember that God is always by your side and no matter how anxious/worried/scared you feel, just remember to commit all of those to Him and He will give you rest, give you peace and everything you need. just believe in Him and in yourself :)

i'm never good with words, i always say the wrong words at the wrong time like my brutalness just now. but i hope this little piece of assurance may at least help you :)

i've decided on something for a change, which is to be early for any outings. because i realise that i get quite pissed when people are ALWAYS late and are so proud of it and i now find that annoying. and that annoyance came from my thinking that 'you always want to be late and be proud of it.' or you just don't make the effort to be early. and so, i'm gonna put in the effort to be early cos i want to let the person who i'm going out with, feel that i did put in the effort to be early and that really shows the intention that i really want to go out with the person etc. haha. and somehow i just get a negative feeling from those who are always late, like trying to gain acknowledgement that you are always late and feel 'happy' when people tease you about you always being late.

and today my friend said 'eh you so good ah' cos i said my curfew at 12 so i must chiong home! hahaha. and ofcos i said i'm good and din't try to be some bad girl and find excuses to boast about being home late and shit. but it's because my parents set a curfew for us for a reason, to be safe and all. and i just wanna keep that curfew on and cherish that law, before i don't have the chance to abide by it anymore. and i was thinking to myself while going home, 'my parents are good to me, so i wanna be good to them.' i mean don't you wanna be good to your parents? because when i was young i rmb i was so worried for my parents if they came back late and if they said they'll be home at 7, but was late, i couldn't sleep well at night. so yea, i know how they would feel, and i don't want them to know how it feels when it happens to them, cos to me, that insecurity feeling i get, it could bring me to tears.

hmm, and i realised that it's true to a certain extent that when you give someone the attention, they will give others the attention, for e.g my friend like this guy and this guy knowing that she like him, treated her like shit. and that kinda happened many times to my friends around me, and gr. it's just like how the tcher will not pay much attention to the hardworking quiet kid at the corner but will pay more attention to the kid who fools around and create trouble. i'm pretty sure the hardworking quiet kid pays more attention to the tcher than the kid who fools around right? but somehow the kid who fools around gets more attention from the tcher. i guess it happens to anyone we give our attention to /:

and i seriously had to admit but words is sometimes more powerful than actions because in this generation, people are all talk and no action. so we have to choice but to sort of believe words only. like i can tell you i smoke one, and i tell everyone i smoke and they all believe i smoke and crap and always think i bad girl but in actual fact i don't. and this generation now is like all talk and they talk about how many guys like her, how many times they club, how often they fall sick and actual fact is we never seen anything but we just believe the words they say and in the end for the 'always sick' girl/boy, people believe them and say 'aw, she's so weak and fragile' while in fact, it's all lies to get sympathy or get teased. hahahaha.

 hahaha and random thought: when i'm pregnant i must always have sufficient food in my tummy so my tummy won't grumble and my kid can sleep in peace 8)

okay i just read some tweets on twitter and feel so left out, but it's okay! i'm gonna smile and pretend i'm happy and don't mind that if they realise tmr 8) haha. and kinda the reason is like the reason in sec sch where they think i stay too far so dowan to 'bother' me or rather they just don't want to ask me out. haha. okay, this hurts quite bad i'm gonna cry but NOOOOOOO. because, i'm ANDREA GOH THE FEARLESS STRONG BRAVE QUEEN! yeah i'll be alright, just not now. just keeding, i'm all right! 8D

anyway first day of school is today and i'm kinda happy cos i have nothing to do during the holidays! haha. yeah and had akikdo again and i left my ring at the dojo again and that ring is extremely precious to me, i hope it's not gone 8(

it hurts.

you know the feeling when you're so hurt that it eats you inside? yes, that's the feeling i get whenever i feel like i'm a replacement or rather of no significance. like i'm always the last few choices. it hurts. and along that comes the feeling of being not good enough that's why i'm resorted to a last choice or something. and feeling that i pretend i'm fine only to breakdown at night. it's not a g o o d feeling.

today was a great day nevertheless, i went to play tennis with ben, keith and nick. and tennis is the best sport i've played that makes my stress and troubles go away. tennis is a greeeat relief. haha. yeah and they're funny boys too 8)

blood bond born

hm i've been thinking alot now and i think i seriously need to start treating my little brother better. i always scold him for always bugging me when he has nothing to do, for taking things without my permissions and stuffs. and when i scold him, i don't care how he feels and that's unbecoming of a sister. but i also realised when i see/hear him laughing, i do smile abit cos seeing him kinda makes me happy too :") and what a sister shld be is to always be there for her siblings, and i hope to be someone my brothers can turn to when they want/need to. but sometimes i can't do anything even when i want to, just like that time korkor was sad and i was bside him, not knowing what to do so i just sat there silently tearing because he's so close to me yet i can't help him :'( and so,i need to make my little brother's siblingship with me be as good as the one i have with my korkor. i want to be a good sister!!!!!


hahaha and i'm kinda excited for my own birthday cos it's my day!!!! haha. even thou i'm not celebrating it in any way /: haha. but when it's my day, nickelodean actually has 1D singing 'What Makes You Beautiful' at 5pm so i'm so gonna watch it and make it like they're singing to me <3 hahahaha. and oh yes, i love snowglobes and musical boxes and elmo. haha. i'm just saying! hahahaha.

and yesterday, 9/10, i went out with joanna to watch taken 2 and it was so thrilling which means it was good right? hahahaa. and yeah we went to seesee and went a little mad in daiso ahahahaha. i got a little red lamp which is so cute! and a few other stuffs too hehe. happy girl is this me 8D

once upon a story.

haha this morning i woke up at like 5:56am because i heard thunder and all and my bolster wasn't with me! haha but in the end i found it on the barrier between aunty and i! haha. then i asked her how come my bolster there then she said she dunno how come my bolster suddenly jump to her bed so she put it on the barrier ah. hahahahahaha. and i found it very funny hahahaha.

and today i went church which means i woke up early which means i was tired ah so i was a little out of sorts and became weird and shit and hahaha. so after church eunice had to go party so i went lunch with the old usual and went pool with cantona and jingyang after that and gosh my pool like shit ah. ahahaha and when i was sitting on the chair i almost flipped the whole chair and i was holding the cue and accidentally hit the lights and accidentally faulted 3 balls cos i touched them accidentally. i was literally so idiotic. gaahh.

and so that's what happens when i'm tired, i don't hide anything and become more gutsy and idiotic which is just being me. but when i'm not, i'm usually conscious of what people think of me so i tend to control my idiocy more esp with people i'm not close with. hahaha.

hm after reading some blogs i feel the blogger in me wanting to blorg it all out. hahahaha. sounds so gross but whateverrrr hahahaha. but i got the inspiration to blog about this part is after reading some stuffs and yeah tadaaaaa ~ ahaha. but yeah.

everyone has had their own crushes and lovers and lovees. and before we get into another relationship, we actually put away our emotions for our previous crushes and likes and sooner or later, those emotions will resurface. for e.g you currently have a crush on someone, have you ever thought that this someone actually reminds you of your previous lovees/crushes or probly you are trying to transfer those emotions of your past into this someone? but honestly, think if you really want your past back, and if you can't let go of your past yet, do not start a new relationship for one day, you'll find yourself remembering those past crushes/likes and realise that your true feelings are not for this someone but for a previous lovee/crush and this transfer of feelings will be transferred back, you will then be stuck in a dilemma if you really like this someone or it was just a transfer.

and i know for me now, i haven't sorted out my feelings into those respective labelled boxes yet but i'm sure i will one day i will and when that day comes, i'll be ready. hahaha. crazzzeeee. but yeah i still think of everyone i was close to and trying to sort them into those boxes of whether it was a transfer or it was real. but for you, i'm sure at least a part of us was real and do you remember, i said you'll be one of the best or rather the best i've had. and surely some part of my heart was true to make me say that. haha. and i don't know if i said it bfore but i think you're cute. hahahaha.

and in general, i know i tend to push everyone away because i'm scared i'm the subsitute or rather a container for this transfer to take place where everything will turn out to be wrong. and yeah that's also why i told you before maybe your feelings for her was transferred into me where i was so afraid for a period of time and convince myself i don't want you just in case you didn't want me so yeah i guess i was too sensitive or whatever you call it but yeah that's why i probably gonna remain single for lifeeee. and yes i've cried over many people but that's because i loved you in either a friendzy or lovery way! haha. just like i cried over my clique cos i feel they left me out and etc gah i was stupid and plain stupid was i. like how i cried when hy cried and we all cried tgt. haha. and i've cried cos i was jealous and that was probably cos some part of me loved you and afraid of losing you. hahahahaha. crazy i am so crazy and crazy is little girl in me. AND YES IM A CRYBABY 8( when there was thunder and lightning that woke me up at night, i was so scared til i cried back to sleep, when i thought of losing dearest friends, i teared. and when everything is too overwhelming for me, i tear again and when i think i'm not good enough or no longer strong enough to believe i can do it, i tear. okay, just keeding, i don't cry or tear! I SWEATTTTTTTT. okay la i admit everything written here is true with my hand over my heart except the part where i don't tear or cry.

but yes, even though you all don't care anymore, i still thankyou, thankyou for the laughters and tears you've brought into my life. i'll very much like to give you all a big barney thankyou hug! 8) ahaha okay not barney, just andrea hug okay? 8)

hahaha now i don't like sasuke anymore cos he very evil, i only like the young him! hahahaha. now i like kakashi, he so emotionless and quite cool B) hahahaha. and he's so cute to play those games and he very caring for his comrades ah <3 hahaha. and YES THAT MEANS I'VE WATCHED EPI 200+ ALR. which means i only got 30 more episodes to go bfore i'm done, excluding naruto cos i've only watched naruto shippuden and still watching! hahaha. 

ninetynine

today was kinda the last day of work since the kids tmr have children's day! hahaha. and they had children day's celebration today and they could come in home clothes and some of them just look so cute <3 hahaha. and i managed to take only two kids photo 8( hahaha. but it's okay!

hahahaha yesyes i know he looks quite sleepy hahaha but cute what, this face makes me smile like an idiot man! haha and if i'm not wrong, he's matthew! 8D

hahahahaha and this is kaden(i forgot and thot it was caden), my favourite boy! hahahahaha i asked him to smile and dunno why he smile liddat but he so cute ah <3 hahahahah.

and today i wiped two kids asses, cleaned up a kid's vomit on his pants and helped him change. i'm saying this and i know yall will call me a pervy but i'm not that's why i'm saying. hahahaha.

bee porrrrrrrr

hahaha just saw this on tumblr and just decided to 'reblog' 8D hahaha. but yeah i do feel this way! GR. and nono i'm not referring to anyone just sayinggggg. hahahaha.


hahahaha and i think this is so true, that's why i loveeeeeeeeeee... kids! hahaha. it's like they smile genuinely and you know they are true and when they think of other kids around them, i like them even more ah <3 8)


hahahahah this is sooooo true, i usually see cute guys ah like the tan and concidentally look fierce kind ah. hahahaha.


hahahaha and this little lamb is so damn cuteeeeeee <3 AND I HAD A POST HERE BUT I CAN'T TYPE IT OUT 8(

and on monday i left my watch in the dojo and that adds to my feeling of burdeness 8( like my mummy say bfore cos i eat then my mouth always dirty then she say, "你偷吃別人也会知道。“ then like i feel like i cannot take care of myself. give mummy more burden... then i sometimes after class if bring shoebag then i will leave behind accidentally. then my friends have to wait for me and stuff, even my friend say i always leave mark behind one. and this all adds up to me burdening my family and friends 
okaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii gggggggggggggggggggoooooooooooddddddddddddnight.

yesterday i had akikdo like usual and before that went for work! 8P haha. and i really feel so germish like a germ. i dunno what to do in the kindergarten ah and keep walking around like an idiot and annoying the teachers. haha. then mummy at first say can send me go akikdo, but end up cannot cos she smsed saying its peak  hour so i go myself, and i immediately teared! 8( i think i got my hopes high only to get them dashed that's why. if she didn't tell me she can't send me in the first place, i prob won't feel sad or anything! RRRRR. and for akikdo it was rather productive, i rmb one more zhao alr! 8D! haha.

and today, again i had work, and it wasn't as bad as ytd cos i was attached to a class unlike ytd. but even thou i'm attached to the class, the tcher told me i cannot be slow and again, i felt like a damn burden. and i can't even control the kids ah. hahaha but ah i saw caden today and waved to him and he kissed my hand AHHHHHH. MY FAVOURITE BOY <3 haha.="haha." p="p">

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i think i'm a wallflower! hahahahaha.

okayyyy, i officially liked epi 175 cos it's so damn touching and yesss it made me tear 8'( haha. and on second thoughts, the smiley i've been using kinda look like ninja turtle righttttt 8) hahahahaa. 8) 8) okayyyy. and i realised i actually veryvery dao and not say very approachable. i thought i was just anti socialish but i'm just plain dao and clingy. or put it in a nice way, loyal 8) hahahaha YES I'M LOYAL 8D hahaha.

and suddenly today i feel so angsty like i feel like i'm always the one doing things for people but people never really do anything for me. but gr i'm usually not like that but idk man! maybe still on period that's why ah. i really dislike it when all the bad thoughts come back to me whenever my period comes, it's like so damn depressing and i feel so useless and inferior and feel like nothing else but shit. and that's probably why i never like to talk deepdeep about myself and get quite worked up when it comes to me. because all i ever realise when i look inside of me is nothing but a failure. i can't even explain why my inferiority brings tears to my eyes sometimes, it's so GR. and i remember when i was playing a match, i knew i had to keep saying "i can do it!" but i try and try and i know deep inside i just can't. but i keep saying i can because i don't want the people around me to know i'm feeling like shit. 8( hopefully this is the last day of my damn period.

yesssss, haha. i'm actually quite proud of myself, i sent like two texts to pikabro to make sure he's not sad. i usually just don't care but then there's this thing that i always feel which is to never let someone go to sleep unhappy. yeah.

yesterday, i prayed for a sermon that i could understand and relate to and i'm so happy that everytime i think i have nothing to pray for, i remember what i learnt in prayer week alr, (8 oh and thankfully today, i can understand the sermon and i've learnt to not judge people, actually not exactly that, but not judging a person's character but only the thing they've done. yeahhhh. and i'm so thankful of all the laughters we had today, i've honestly missed it, really! haha. and i still feel kinda awkward but haizzzzz. and the bad part is i told people i quit church ah, now i come back, later they critisize me 8( but hopefully they don't PLEASEEEE. hahaa.

AND I'M SO SAD AH. NO ONE PLAY DRAW SOMETHING WITH ME EXCEPT FELIX AND EUNICE 8( hahaha. 

This Is the Most Detailed Image of the Universe Ever Captured

NASA has just published the most detailed view of the Universe ever taken. It’s called the Extreme Deep Field—or XDF for short. It took ten years of Hubble Space Telescope photographs to make it and it shows some the oldest galaxies ever observed by humans, going 13.2 billion years back in time.

It’s a mindblowing, extremely humbling view. Not only for what it shows, but for what it doesn’t show. While this image contains about 5,500 galaxies, it only displays a tiny part of the sky, a ridiculously small slice of the Universe.

woah, just wow. *_*

i think this pic is just too comforting :")

today was nothing special and boring except for akikdo (: hahaa. i can't get over the fact i forget almost everything that's taught and i only can remember one vividly out of like 3 or 4 or 5 learnt. i'm damn goooon. hahaha. anyway i can't get over the fact that one boy looks like fed! i think it's the eyes and they're both skinny and so similar man! anyway i got to do some thingy with that fed lookalike senior and i don't know the exercise so in the end do awhile only kena chased away. HAHA. but the exercise we have to grab each others wrist and sit so close la haiz, always feel awkward one. akikdo always must have contact one, be it grabbing wrists or neck or whatever, it feels so awkward to me, but i'm getting used to it (: haha.

and yeah this photoset IS SO DAMN AWESOME LIKE FSFAC IBNEFIEWMFVW. HAHAHAHA. but i can't get it to be in the center, or rather too lazy ^^

  

and i finally get the gist of people not replying aaaaah. it's so unbearable! haha okay lah bearable. but very troubling ah. haiyoooooooooooooo.